Writing my life away

Hello once again. So, Im really board, and not feelin some sleep. So I have the erdge to right about something. Im not sure what I want to write about, so im just gonna go with it. If it doesnt make sence, noones forcing you to read it lol.

So as I was driving home tonight, I heard lyrics somethign like this "And when I start to feel alone, I will let you know, cause I don't ever want to be like I was before". I think thats like the situation with me, because like iv had some bad scenes and rough times..enough to know I don't ever want to be back in those situations again. It's taken me about what 2 and a half years to figure it out, but I smashed my head off the ground and it made me believe! lol. I know your probly all like, what the hell is this girl talking about, smashing her head and believeing? But it took me being smashed on my head and getting a concussion, which unabled me to drink, or anything at all for that matter, to really come to my sences. I started haveing alot more time to my self, and to just think (because I was in to much pain to even leave my bed). And I started realizing that I didn't need to drink to have fun. And I didn't need to be intoxicated to escape my life baisicly. I realized I could go a weekend without liqor, then 2 weeks, then 3, then 3 and a half months passed by. And I came to camp. Now, during these 3 and a half months, I became to notice I didn't need to drink and stuff to have fun and make me happy. But I wasn't really doing it for religous reasons. After awhile I would just be like, yup I love jesus im not drinking. But to be honest, if my concussion would have gone away, and someone handed me a drink, I probly wouldn't of refused. So, then camp rolled around. And Jesus here I came! lol

At camp you are surrounded by religion every hour of your day. You can't really escape it. And every other year before I had gone to camp..believing in god, but not really acting like it. Like id be drunk everynight the week before up until camp just to get as much as I could so id last the week. Then at camp i'd be all like, oh I love god, drinkings bad. For about, 2 weeks (if that) when I returned home from camp this would follow through. Then i'd just be like, so anyways, back to before life at camp. And go back to the same old thing. But this year, because I went into camp not drinking and stuff, and was use to not roaming the streets all hours, and actuly spent time at home, It helped make the change this year after camp so much easier.

I think all along, what I really needed to do first was realize what I didn't need (alcohol n such), before what I did need (the lord). Now, it's been 4 & a half months since iv been completely sober, but for truly honest religous reasons, Id say just about a month. And to be honest, I still have a concussion, so even if I wanted to drink I couldn't. So I really haven't been put to the real test of like, me actuly being able to drink, but not do it. Like, right now, I don't find it tempting at all. I can have it handed to me free, sittin right infront it me, smell it and everything, and I have no disire to drink it what so ever. But maby it's because I know I am not physicaly able to. The real test will be when im heald. Personaly, because I have no disire now, I don't believe I will have any then. And I believe I am stronger then that, and that Jesus is stronger then any temptation from the devil.

And now like, this year after Medley I am actuly like trying and continuing my faith. I started going to a youth group, I pray everyday and night. I have read my bible everynight since camp except last night because I felt really sick when I got home and reading would of made me puke. And im doing stuff like tonight, hanging out with christians and talking about god and faith. I am also telling people that I LOVE JESUS!! like everyone! Im not ashamed of it at all. I wasn't ashamed before, I just never really let it be known to everyone who didn't ask. Now I will tell you before you even think about asking lol.

So yes, I dunno the exact point to this in a title really, but I really enjoy writing and I could go on for hours about anything. But seeing how it is 11:55 I will find better use of my time (like sleeping) & get back to you later!
Night

-alyson.lw