When the truth comes out; all thats left is the one you never knew.. [me]

In my last post life was a little bit stressful. Okay, life was alot stressful. Infact, it was so stressful I just couldn't take it anymore, to the point where I was literaly going insain. My whole personality changed completly. Since then, things are starting to look up for me once again. I think the root to all of my problems is that I try way to hard sometimes to be someone im not, just to make other people happy. One person inperticular, and im not even sure why. But I lie, and pretend, just to try and hide the true facts of life, just to shut them up, just to make everyone happy. It's really stressful you know, to be me. To be someone who is so afraid of letting people down, of hurting people, of dissapointing people, to be someone who is more afraid of these things, then the results of what will happen when the truth comes out.

I just really don't know what to do anymore, everytime I think I found myself, who I really am.. there I go making myself feel bad again, there I go putting other peoples thoughts ahead of my own, there I go digging myself a little more into the ground eachday, there I go watching my sanity pass me by. People always tell me "if people don't like you for who you really are, then there not worth anything". Well, I hear that, and I want to believe that.. but the person who I am doesn't want to act upon that.

I dunno, grade 12 is stressful, life is stressful, everything is just to stressful.
but im happy; just stressed, but happy.

Yes..

Well I haven't had much to write about lately. My life has been pretty complex the past couple weeks. Just filled with lots of frustration, confusion and stress. Once again my parents play a huge factor in all 3 of these complex addtions to my amature teenage life. And to add to all of it, Christmas is in like eightteen days. So not ready, so not really excited, so don't really care.

Ontop of all this crap, yesterday was the worst day of my life. I received the phone call i was dreading for the past month. So that just didn't make life any easier. I don't really wanna talk about it, although someone did tell me I can't sit around bottleing up all my feelings and everything about the situation, and that I should talk about it. But right now, I really do not want to. I don't think it is that important, I'd rather just ferget about it. Because as we all know, that's what I do best, forget. And lately, my only escape from this world, (music) has been a complete block, and I haven't been able to write anything in quite awhile. A little six year old boy today said the most meaningful thing iv ever heard a six year old, or any age'd kid say..
"What my mind says with words, my soul says with music."

Anyways, what ever.