Exams.

Exams already? Jeez, Grade 11 is flying by. Im pumped though, I can't wait to get out of highschool. For all those people who think high school is the best times of there lives and all this crap, are so totaly wrong. High school is so stupid. I mean, its a good time and all, but the gosip, trouble, immaturity and all that gay stuff is soo stupid. I just don't see how people miss that?

Last night while I was lying in bed, I realized how fast the last few years have flown by, and how I only have a year and a half more of being a kid. I also got to thinking of how, you can never get back yesterday. Everyday that has passed by so quickly over the last 4 years I can never get back. And I realize that im sitting here wishing my life away waiting to be done highschool, get a job and start a family, only leading up to someday dieing. Life is a strange place. It's true when they say, "your living to die, and dieing to live".


Anyways, yeah so exams. Im totaly screwed. I have spent everyday at school the past week till 5:30-6:00. AND I even went in on SATERDAY afternoon for 3 hours! (probly the first person EVER to do that). I can't study at home caz I have ADD. But the only other problem is, I know how to do everything when its infront of me, but I forget it all when exams come. I have french tomorrow, totaly bullshittin through that, hopefuly an 80 would be nice. Then I have History(death) I won't even get like a 70 on that. Then Math, aiming once again for a 90, maby 92. And English is gonna rape me lol, and chemistry, 85 hopefuly.

Just My Life.

So.. about life? Its 12:57am right now and im super bored. Exams are in a week. How exciting... but we get 5 days off in a row when there finished which is pretty sweet I must say. My marks are kinda gay right now. Some went up and some droped. So I pretty well need like 90's on these exams, which is gay. But what ev. Library to study here I come.

Anyways, this weekend was a good time. Life is good. Except one minor area. But what ever. Anyways, this got boring really fast caz I have nothing to say. But I got sick of facebook so I decided to write on this lol.

Life & stupid stuff.

So, about how, life is so gay & confusing. Like, I don't even know what to do with it. I drifted away from god and all that good stuff for quite sometime, and now no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get back to where I was, or even anywheres close to it. I still haven't figured out if this is all just a cover up, a disguise, for who I am, and who I think I should be. I really don't know what to believe or think anymore. Caz for every positive thought I have, two negative thoughts follow. The past 8 months have been rate rough, and I dunno if once everything is said and done, and im better(if that ever occurs), that I will forget everything and not care anymore. Like I dunno, I thought I was for real last time, and clearly that wasn't true, caz I gave it all up for like 2 months. It seems that when Life gets hard I turn back to god, looking for healing or answers, and as soon as it gets better, I peal caz I figure im good to go. So I don't really know what's up with me. But honestly, even If I was for real last time, and Im for real again this time, I can't seem to get excited about god anymore. I have no strength or energy to put into it. I wont pick up a bible, id rather chat on msn. I won't go to church, i'd rather sleep. I won't talk about god, I rather go to parties (sober). It seems the only thing in this world, that can get me excited about god is Camp. And that is the damn truth. When you go to camp your a total different person. Your whole view and prospective on life is changed. And if you can get fired up about god then all the power to you, but when the flames run out a couple months after, your pretty well screwed, and have to wait till the next year, because theres nothing else the world has to offer like camp chapel that's gonna take you anywhere. So now im pretty well just counting down the days till summer and hopeing to god I get accepted to be an LIT.

Trust?

Okay, so it's been brought to my attention over the past couple days, that I have a major trust issue. I also have a problem with letting people in.

Now, it really doesn't bother me any. I mean after all, clearly im the one who chooses to not trust /let anyone in. Growing up i'v just learned you can't really trust anyone. Not even your own family, people just tell you what you want to hear. Now, some people tell the truth, other elaborate on it, but if you never really know who to trust and who not to, it's better just to look at life as if you can't trust anyone. That way you can't get hurt. Unless it gets to the point where you can't even trust yourself, then you may end up gettin hurt..by you. Which brings me to my text problem, letting people in. I mean like, I care about people, and believe people care about me. But it's better to not put yourself out there on the line, for anyone to hang you dry. The less people you let in, the less people you have to hurt you.

I dunno, maby im just not the "let's tell the world about my problem" type of person for a reason. It's not really a huge deal I guess. When I decide to tell the world of my problems, i'll let you know. Until then, I have no idea why I even wrote this lol.

Upside Down.

I covered my tracks,
But not the cracks in my foundation
So break me.

For all the things I've loved and lost,
I only wanted to be found
Come take my world and turn it upside down.

HAPPY FRIGGEN NEW YEAR BABY!!!

Heeeyyy! Whats up people? 2220000000777!!!!I don't think anyone reads this anymore because I stoped writing in it for a while and it's always not that exciting lol, but what ev! ANYWHO!

Omg last night was friggin amazing! lol, I enjoyed it anyways. Milah's party was pretty intence. And can we speak of how much I love her dad!♥ Like wow, lol rolling joints for the guys? Too funny. Then when the cops came he made them leave, haha. He throws a pretty good party when his daughters passed out somewheres lol. God love her.

Heres some pictures, there's more on my facebook for those of you who have it and care.