Life & stupid stuff.

So, about how, life is so gay & confusing. Like, I don't even know what to do with it. I drifted away from god and all that good stuff for quite sometime, and now no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get back to where I was, or even anywheres close to it. I still haven't figured out if this is all just a cover up, a disguise, for who I am, and who I think I should be. I really don't know what to believe or think anymore. Caz for every positive thought I have, two negative thoughts follow. The past 8 months have been rate rough, and I dunno if once everything is said and done, and im better(if that ever occurs), that I will forget everything and not care anymore. Like I dunno, I thought I was for real last time, and clearly that wasn't true, caz I gave it all up for like 2 months. It seems that when Life gets hard I turn back to god, looking for healing or answers, and as soon as it gets better, I peal caz I figure im good to go. So I don't really know what's up with me. But honestly, even If I was for real last time, and Im for real again this time, I can't seem to get excited about god anymore. I have no strength or energy to put into it. I wont pick up a bible, id rather chat on msn. I won't go to church, i'd rather sleep. I won't talk about god, I rather go to parties (sober). It seems the only thing in this world, that can get me excited about god is Camp. And that is the damn truth. When you go to camp your a total different person. Your whole view and prospective on life is changed. And if you can get fired up about god then all the power to you, but when the flames run out a couple months after, your pretty well screwed, and have to wait till the next year, because theres nothing else the world has to offer like camp chapel that's gonna take you anywhere. So now im pretty well just counting down the days till summer and hopeing to god I get accepted to be an LIT.