Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Halloween!

HeyHeyHey, happy halloween everybody! Man today was so much fun! So, school was good, we had a halloween assembly and Me and Jon Baxter were in the pumpkin carving contest representing grade 11, and we won! :) 10$ movie money, which is pretty sweet for carving a pumpkin! Oh I also brought my chem mark up 7% in the past week and a half! So thats good.

I went to the hospital after school fer that nerologist, aparently my pain is still being caused by my concussion. I guess it's a really bad on because he said they usualy only last 3 weeks. He also said he doesn't know how much longer it could last, he said fer all he knows this could go on for another year, but in 6 weeks if it's still actin up he's givin me some medication to knock me right out lol. I have some now but im only aloud to use it when it's like unbearable pain.

Tonight Katelyn Kelsey and I went out trick or treating for like an hour an a half! We only did my street and kelsey's loop and got a whole pillow case. (there huge streets!) I was a pumpkin, katelyn was an angel, and kelsey was a clown. We got about 10 dirty looks or rude comments for being to old but oh well caz we got good comments to on our costumes:) haha goodtimes goodtimes. I have so much candy I am just loving the fuzzy peaches right now lol. Anyways, im out of stuff to rant about so all get back to you when my life gets more exciting!

Monday, October 30, 2006

Well, today was interesting. Last night I was up until like 1:30 doing my story analysis (which is done so poorly) but atleast I did it caz only like 5 people actuly did. On a happier note, one good thing happened in my life to releave some stress on school. I got a 98% on a huge math test I got back today! Best math mark iv ever gotten, and it brought my over all mark up so much because tests are worth alot, so im pretty pumped about that. Math is my worst subject this year, so goodtimes with that test.lol, except tomaro I now have a chemistry test that I totaly forgot about up until about an hour ago and I never brought my book home, lol so that should go over well :) .

Tomorrow's Halloween!!! Woooot. Im so excited! Our school is having an assembly and im sapose to be in it for the pumpkin carving contest with Jon Baxter! lol So if we actuly end up doing it that will be hilariouse. Im so pumped to trick-or-treat! Except I don't know what im gonna be yet, and I have that doctor appt. at 4 so it better not be rate long er all shit. Yay candy!!

Sunday, October 29, 2006

So life, fail me now.

Alrighty, so this isn't really anythign new. The topic of my blog recently seems to be "Stress". I have alot of it. Right now, im trying to complete a short story analysis of 1000 words thats due tomaro, and I have no idea how in the hell to do it. I got my mother to write out the plot and stuff for me while I was at church, but I still don't know how to peice it all together. Never leave stuff like this to the last minute aparently. My lesson has been learned. Which also kind of sucks because Tuesday I have a history term paper due, which I have yet to finsih. That shall be interesting watching me try to hand that in on time also.

So anyways, this weekend was pretty good. I saw Marie-Antoinet, went shopping, went to Julies, hung out with Katie and Cait(who I haven't hung out with in forever!), went shopping again, went to katelyns halloween party, and tonight I went to church. Which brings me to my next topic.

So tonight I went to the Teen Mass at St.Rose Church once again. I went last week and really enjoyed it. Tonight the music wasn't AS good as last time but it was still good. But before I went to church, I was really stressed out about this analysis, so I went there all pissed off. Well we sang a song called "Healer" by Ten Shekel Shirt. As I sung this song for the first time, something came over me. The words really spoke to me, and it felt as if a burden had been lifted from my life. The words are as followed

Healer, heal me
Savior, save me
Maker, change me
Lover, Love me
Caz im so tired of living for
the kind of love
that only lasts for a while
The pain, the shame
Tear me up inside

So I fall on my knees
To get back on my feet again
And I cry out for you
Would you please speak to me

This song is so amazing. Something in it really touched me. Then during comunion, as I received Christ and knelt down in my peu, I started to pray for forgiveness and healing. Suddenly al my emotions of stress, love and pain rushed through my body, and I began to cry. Not noticable to anyone beside me, but tears started to run down my cheek. It was then I realized, I have been so over whelmed with stress lately, I haven't had anytime for God. And it was in this moment where I just gave all my stress up to god to hold, while I go on with my life. Now, I do believe I still have stress, im kinda stressed right now about this English thing, but I seem to care about it alot less then a few hours ago. I think i'v decided not to finish it. I can't handel all this right now, and I need time for me, school needs to just leave me alone right now before I go nuts. Which will happen soon because I have midterms starting Thursday until next Wednesday. But anyways, I just thought I'd share the song and stuff with you because I really enjoyed it, and I do believe Jesus is real and that he can speak to you through songs, people, verses, anything at all really. Just as long as you keep your eyes open and are willing to accept and receive what the Lord is trying to tell you, you will hear him.

R2.. what!?


Katelyn had her round2 party tonight lol. It was a halloween costume party so everyone was sapose to dress up! Most did except a few boys. I was a school girl, lol always wanted to be one of them. It was a pretty good time. Although my head is killin me now from the music and people yelling and shit, but it was fun. I don't really have much to say about it because a parties a party, but I have a bunch of pictures so I will post them!



















For more pictures go to my site, photos;2006-2007 R2.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Anxiety Attack?.

Hey, sorrie about the last post. I don't know what came over me. I was just over whelmed with all this stress abotu everything and I had an anxiety attack. I'v never had one and it was the worst experience of my life. My mom told me what was wrong with my because I have never had an attack before, and she asked me what I was so stressed out about, but I couldn't exactly tell her the whole story, so it wasn't much help. But then I went to Julie's after it to calm myself down and get my mind off of things. It helped a bit. I think I need to slow myself down. I obviously can't handel my life right now. So people please just try and make my life as least stressfull as possible before I go nuts lol. Anyways, just wanted to apologize for the last post. I just need a good sleep! Speaking of which, im gonna hit that up. Night

I need a friggin drink!

I have 2 extra days off for my weekend, and somehow im still not happy. I am so damn stressed, which I mentioned in my previous post, but like, I just don't know what to do with my life. I have never been this stressed out in my whole entire life. My head is bangin and I just wanna rip my brain out! I can't even explain the things going through my mind these days. Im so frustrated with certain people, and school, and myself. Ahhh jayz. I really just need something to relax my life...

Im beginning to go nuts. How long has it been? 6 months!! Ahhhh, I can't even believe my life. I hate this, im happy, but inside im going nuts. I really don't know how much longer I can keep this up, sorry. But I just don't know. Im not strong enough. Im my own greatest weakness. My whole life is my weakness. Im a sin, im sitting here listening to christian music, stareing at my closet... and for those who don't know, you can probly guess what's in my closet. And it aint the beuggy man! I could be unstressed in about 10 minuts. Aw hell, I don't know whats come over me, but im seriously having a break-down. I hope to god I don't do it, I really do, but.. It's only 8:28 and the night is young. I need to get out of here.

Throw away everything i'v been fighting for, to gain back my sainity? What a shittie trade.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I am so frustrated!!!

Alright, so i'v just decided that I can hold in this anymore. I AM SO FRUSTRATED!!!!!! Well, that feels nice to get out. Life is so frustrating right now. I don't even know what to do with my life. Like seriously, I don't mean to complain, but this is the only place I can do it, so im gonna lol. Everything is so confusing, and each day I find myself faceing situations that I never would have had to face, or atleast cared to notice I was facing them. Usualy these thing's wouldn't bother me, comments from people, events..because I wouldn't care. Partly because I agreed with the comments, or took part in the events. But this year I have an opinion, alot (and I stress the word "alot" very much) different from everyone else. Like, this is so hard..because im used to keeping my opinion to myself, which I still usualy do, but this time, its really getting to me. I just want to scream sometimes! I feel kinda alone right now. Like, I feel like I don't really have anyone to talk to and it's really hard. And school is to much for my life. I have essay's comeing out of my ass, and midterms next week, and im so stressed out about my life. I can never catch a break these days. AHHHH!!!! Im really going to blow up. And tonight I watched the girls basketball game/try out, and now im right depressed, because I want to play so bad. Ball is like my life, and it's one thing that makes me happy. And now due to my damn head (that wont seem to ever heal!) I can't play. FUUCCK! Theres another to add to my list of life ruining things, my head. Like seriously, does a concussion ever last this long? Caz it's pretty much just as bad as it was 6 months ago, except i'v learnt to deal with it now, and back then, I didn't know what the hell was going on, so I was in and out of the emergency every night. Like, i'v seriously never felt so much pain in my life then when I get these migrains. And im sick and dizzy constantly throughout my day. Ah it sucks! Like, noone even understands how horrible it makes my life. I can't due half the stuff I use to, and worst of all, im going to get fat! because I can't run or exercise er anything! Jeeeze, that would be a even more depressing story lol. But, I go to the nerologist on halloween, so hopefuly he can gimmie so answers, or drugs er something lol.

Anyways yeah, so theres my life right there. On the other hand, I am doing wicked in English, and i'v done all of my homework every night in chemistry since I lost 10% for not doing it. So im trying in school now. On the other hand, I only got like a 78% on my french test I got back today, which sucks but what ev my teach is a bitch anyways and tried to cheat me out of 2% but I caught her! She hates me man, one time she even told me off in grade 9. Oh well, she'll get hers someday. But overall I guess school's good, besides its so hecktic in the next 2 weeks!

Well, on a totaly different topic all together, I read alot of the bible last night. Well not alot, but like, more then I usualy do. I read a bunch of random stuff. Like Zechariah, which is about what is head for the world, the coming of god. And I finished Zephaniah, and read some of revelation, about what heaven is like. So it all kinda tied into like, when god comes to judge the living and the dead, and what to expect during and after. If you don't belive in this, wonderful. Don't read it. Fortunatly I do, so here we go! I believe Jesus is coming back sooner then we all may think. I think most of us think we have our whole lives ahead of us to change who we are, and what we do, and the way we live. Those people who believe theres a god, believe theres a heaven and a hell, believe you have to live without sin (try your best) inorder to please god, but they just think that because they are young, they have all the time in the world. They think that they will just change themselves when they grow up and have children, settle down in life. But ya know what, you may not have that much time! Who says we can't die tomorrow? Who say's god can't come next week? Who says we will have the abilitiy to change when we want to? If you live a certain life style for a long time, you begin to become attatched and comfortable in that life style. You feel safe, like you'v been okay for this long, so why not a little bit longer? Thats the road I was heading down, fortunatly for myself, I got off that road in time. Because I'll tell you right now, I was already starting to become comfortable and safe in that life style. It was what I was use to, and i'll tell you, I don't think it was ever as complicated as it is now. I didn't have a bunch of worries in the world, because I didn't have any beleifs, my attitude was, "what ever, what the hell, why the hell not, fuck it, what can it hurt, what they don't know can't hurt them, as long as we don't get caught...and even if it might be exciting" Like, life gets pretty comfortable when these are your thoughts and reactions to everything going on around you. Really, I mean, why would you want to change? Why would you want to give up a simple life, with about 7 answers to every question in life, and make things more complicated. Why would you want to stress out over things and have to think about everything alot harder, and put alot more time and effort into everything you do. Well, i'll tell you why I wanted to, because jesus never said "fuck it" when they put him on a cross for me. He never said, "what they don't know can't hurt them" or "what ever". He died for me, so that I could have the choice to think what I wanted, and the choice in a heaven or hell. All I have to do, is put a little more effort into it, and trust in him, and realize life isn't just about haveing a good time, and lots of laughs. And one day, I finaly opened my eyes from all the fake happiness, and realized there was alot more to life then what I had goin for me. And yeah, some of this may be causeing all my stress and frustration, but I think it is good. Because god is putting me to the test, can I stand alone for what I believe in? Can I fall astray from the crowd? Can I truly think about everything I do, think and say, before it's done. Even if im left all alone, with noone, noone at all, can I still keep myself together, and not fall apart? Well you know what, right now I feel like im going to fall apart, but I am not going to let this get the best of me. Im alot stronger then I look, so all you people out their who wanna make my life more stressful, bring it the hell on!

I'v got a story knowones told.

I'v got a story knowones told.
a secret within me, my heart seems to hold.
the reflection I see, fades deeper of me.
the look in my eyes, it seems to dispise,
the feelings within me, of who I seem to be,
and the frustrations between what you all expect of me.
I'v got a story knowones told.
this heart breaks for someone to hold.


yeah, so I just decided to write this. I haven't written anything in like 10 years, so im a lil rusty, but I kinda like it.


-alyson.lw

Monday, October 23, 2006

In the light.

So there's been something on my mind all day today. Last night Jess told me that the reason we haven't found a cure for cancer yet, was because the person who was sapose to discover the cure was aborded.

When she told me this I was like, holy shit! That totaly makes sence. Like, every child thats aborded by their mother, is a child that had a reason and a purpose to this world. So for all you gurls out their who may unexpectedly get prego, due the world a huge favor, and have the kid, wether you wanna keep it or not is up to you, but wether its born or not is sapose to be up to god.

Anywho, so I was thinking about last night, and I watched this skit at life teen, and it was about a girl dressed in white (symbolized pureity) who pushed god aside, and all these people dressed in black, with things such as "sex", "drugs & alcohol", "self hate" and a few others, painted on their shirts. They also had their hands covered in red paint. One by one they would go up to the girl and push her around, leaving paint staines on her white shirt. After she was covered in stains, she called out, JESUS!! And all the people in black fell to the ground, and jesus came up to her, and places a clean white sheet over her, to cover up her stains of sin. It was really awesome, and had alot of meaning to it. It symbolize's my life, and probly some of yours as well. So anyways, I got to thinking, and I remebered a dance I saw at camp medley a couple summer's ago. It was to the song "in the light" by DCtalk. It's awesome. Then I remebered, that one summer I got in on video. It's kinda dark and a bit hard to see, but it's pretty cool so check it out!



Sunday, October 22, 2006

Church.

Tonight I went to a life teen mass at church. It was the first time (other then a wedding) I have been to church since the first week of August. Which is almost 3 months. Pretty sad concidering I go on about god all day to people, yet I haven't even been to church? But I go to youth group n stuff so that was good. But anyways, The only reason I hadn't been to church is because we left the one I had been going to for 2 years and really enjoyed. My family started going to St.Rose, which I find catholic churches kinda bouring. So I didn't wanna go. I figured I'd wait for an oppertunity to go to a fun church that I would get something out of. Well, it just so has it, that St.Rose, has a NET-Team with them until may. And this team has started teen mass''s. They have sweet music and stuff. It kinds remines me of Camp Medley. Which my old church was very much alike. After the mass they have this thing called life teen er something. And we go to St.Rose school and have kinda like a youth group. It's a fun time. Give's me one more night in my week that focus's on god. Which is awesome because I need all the worship I can get! For anyone who hasn't ever gone to like, a youth group or church for that matter, you really should. It's awesome and you just feel so good after. I love it! Anyway, I feel pretty pretty good right now knowing that I went to church finaly. I plan on going every sunday night too by the way lol. Anyways, it's late and I need to shower. School tomaro. Blah!

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Dances.

I just remebered something interesting to talk about! yay for me.

So, there was this article in the paper yesterday that was all about dances. STM dances inperticular. They were calling all us girls at saint mac's that go to dances skanks. Like, is a news paper even aloud to say that? It was all like, if you can't go to dances without being a skank, then don't go at all and all this shit. Like, do they know what a skank is. Caz it's kinda hard to be one at a dance. You can be skimpy but a skank? I doubt theres a bunch of girls haven sex in the middle of the dance floor. It's saint mac's for god sakes. Then it was all, dirty dancing is dry sex. Like, how do they expect people to dance? It's not like the salsa er something? And were not in a mosh pit at a rock concert head bangin. Like comeon. At our first dance of the year they were giving girls t-shirts who were dressed inapropriately. But pretty well, if u werent wearing a turtle-neck, you were a tramp. Like a lil harsh? Mabbay.

So anything, stm made up all these rules for the last dance. More lights, intence dress code, you pretty well weren't aloud to dance with the opposite sex or the teachers would come separate you, and no sign-ins. And can we guess how many people went? Hm.. about 50? And theres usualy 700-800 people that go.

I dunno, I just think that people are over exadurating. Now parents are going to think there kids are huge sluts just because they wanna go to a dance. Thats stupid, like seirously.

First Impressions.

The weekend, how I love the weekend! Man this week has sucked the life right outta me. I'v never had so much work n stuff to do, and im getting sick so that sucks. Thank god next week is only a 3 day week. So kids, exactly 1 week till R2! How exciting lol, I need a costume though.

Yuppers, so last night I went to Steve's with Paul n Kels. lol oh my I made the best first impression ever lol. First, me n kelsey knocked on his door, n we saw his parents in the window(we didnt know they were his parents), but they weren't answering so we were like, mabey were at the wrong house.lol Then his dad comes to the window as we started walkin away n was looking at us lol, and we looked probly came off as huge creeps lol, then when I was in Steve's room I knocked a glass off his nightstand and broke it lol. All within the first 2 minutes we were huge creeps and had broken stuff lol. It was so funnie though we like died laughing when I broke the cup, haha I have never broken anything from someones house before ha. Then after me Paul n steve were eatin pizza n I droped a bunch on the floor lol. Let's just say I was haven a rough day haha. Goodtimes tho!

So, todays saterday. I have so much homework n shit to do. I need to finish my Term Paper on the french revolution. Then I have a huge story analysis to due, and chemistry, and a french speech. Jeeze! School's hurtin. So yeah, no idea what's going on tonight. I might just stay in caz I don't feel good and get some of this school work done. Anyways, I don't actuly have anything important to say. Just thought id write about my worst first impression ever lol Well actuly, i'v probly had worse, but this was just hilarious lol.

Peace.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Dateing Non Christians.

Okay so, I've decided today that im going to have to try alot harder with school because 70's and 80's just aren't gonna cut it unless I know that I tried my best and it's the best I can do. Ontop of that I finished my term paper in 2 and a half classes, so thats a work-load off my back. Im just so fed up with school though. Im sick and im tired and I feel like i have no time in my life for anything anymore. On top of that im having some boy issues lol.

So today in CF we talked about dating non-christian guys. Which may sort of be an issue im having lately. Like be honest, theres alot more non-christian boys out there then there are christians. So what are all us christian gurls sapose to do who don't luck out with one of the christian boys? Personaly I think that as long as the guy respects who you are and what you believe in, and doesn't try to change that, and isn't a negative aspect to your life, then it should be ok. But i'v been told im wrong by plenty of people today so I dunno. I don't know what to think anymore about anything. Some people agree, some people don't. The bible doesn't but back then they didn't even date, they just like got married. So that would kinda even make dateing wrong. Which makes almost every person in the world wrong. I dunno im really tired so im going to stop this conversation now I may continue it later.
But I'll leave you with a verse,
Micah 7:8 Though I have fallen I will rise. Though I sit in darkness the lord will be my light.

Doesn't this state that people make mistakes, and everyone deserves a second chance. And even though you may or may have sit or sat in darkness right now, theres still a chance to be forgivin and brought into the light. So maby all these non-christian boys need is a nice christian gurl to help put there life on track lol I dunno..anyways goodnight

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

School Sucks!.

So, im a failure at life lol. Somehow I managed to loose 10% in chemistry in 3 days. I know how a 70 in chem, a 73 in history, a 80-something in french, a 75ish in english, and god only knows in math. Grade 11 oficialy sucks. Iv never had lower then a 80% over all, and right now im lucky to have a 73. Im actuly trying and everything but my teachers this year just seem to be agaisnt me. I have a history term paper of like 1500 words, a french speech, a 7 page analysis, and a 3 page analysis, plus studien for 5 midterms, all within the next week and a half. Oh jays, I can't take this.. Im going to go out of my damn mind. I have no time for anything! Im only 16 my whole life can't consist of just school work. Thats why I quit my job, to have some free time, not to have no time to do school work. Jeeze. I can't even go to youth caz I have to do all my analysis's and term paper. Hopefuly thing's get easier next semester, concidering my afternoons consist of Theatre Arts and Visual Art. But there both grade 12 classes, so there not gonna just be a walk in the park either. Just easier then chemistry and history.

Oh and I asked my chem teacher the answer to that H2O question today. He said it's possible but you need (heat) like a flame, mixed with a few more little gasses, and a machine that would turn hydrogen into water when it reached the air.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Water.


Hmm, so today I was looking at my water bottle in english class, while I spaced out lol, and i started to think... have you ever wondered how water is clear, yet you can see it?

Also, on the topic of water..Hannah brought up the most randomest question, that probly know one in there right mind ever thought of lol. She asked, If H2O is hydrogen and oxygen and makes water, if you put hydrogen in a tap, when it came out (and reached the air), would it automaticly turn into water? ..lol like seriously, who asks that? ha but its a VERY good point. I wonder, that woul dbe cool to see through like, a see-through tap ha. Does anyone know the answer to this?

Vision is believing, then seeing; not seeing and then believing. Most people need to see in oder to believe, but if you don't believe, how are you sapose to ever see?

Monday, October 16, 2006

Ugh Sick.

Ugh, so i'v been rate sick today. It all started this morning with my head really bothering me again. Then at lunch I thought I was gonna take a seizure or something, and I was just rate sick to my stomac and felt rate dizzy. Then my thorat and ear stared to hurt, and it's all down hill from there lol. I came home and slept for an hour and a half, which was nice. But now im still sick, haven't even started my homework, and im in no mood to go to school tomorrow. Jeeze, school is a huge hassel. I hate being sick, It only ever happens with the changes of season. But when it does it sucks. And this is bad timing to miss school, because midterms are like next week. Ew.

On a better note, my nerologist appt. got moved to halloween instead of december, so I can figure out what the hell is wrong with me sooner. Which will be nice.. I think.

Yeah, notice my blogs suck lately? Me too. I never have anything to write about anymore. Except for like, school and being sick, which are the 2 most popular topics in my life right now lol. Anyways, so thats my day, Im watching justice (good show), so im gonna go. Peace.

-alyson.lw

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Kid Zone.

Kid Zone is amazing. I volunteered at it tonight for the first time, and it was an awesome experience. There was bus loads of kids from all over Saint John. Most of the kids have no diretion in their lives from their parents, so to come to kidzone and be shown love and the way of jesus is amazing experience for them. To see them all running in off the bus's with smiles on their face's and the music blasting and bubles floatin all over the place and lights going and it was just awesome. It really hit me when I saw all of these girls and boys running in. I just thought to my self, how amazing is god? Like seriously, how awesome is god to gather 400 kids who need Jesus the most, and bring them into a atmosphere that is life changing.

So, as all the kids were jumping up and down singing, I noticed this little girl just sittin down, not really looking like she was having fun. So I went over and sat with her, and asked her why she wasn't dancing? She said it was just to loud for her. Then she told me her name and asked me mine. She told me she had come to kiszone before, lol and I told her I was a new commer. She was so cute, Anyways, so the next songs and stuff came on and I asked her if she would stand up and dance with me. And she did, she was jumping and smiling and it was just so awesome.

I don't know how many of the liek 400 children were touched by this, but what I do know, Is my heart was touched, not only for jesus but for the children also. And all the people who made this night possible and dedicate 2 saterday nights a month to these kids.

Theres another Kid-zone next Sunday night so if anyone wants to go help out, ask me for the deats lol.

Anyways, so after kidzone some of us from youth group went out to tim's for a chat about the night. Unfortunatly I only stayed for abit because I had other plans but it was nice none the less. After Tim's I went to Teresa's with Paul and Steve(my date lol). We watched the movie American Haunting. Rate the weird movie, don't recomend it lol. Anyways, it was a fun night over all and I enjoyed myself lol. Goodtimes this weekend was. Now tomorrow's all about the Chemistry lab and the relaxing & preparation for the school week.

Goodnight!










-alyson.lw

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Friday Night.

School week is finaly over! Thank God, im so tired and sick. Jeeze! Anyways, so tonight like 18 er 19 of us went to jj's (Jungel Jim's) for supper. It was really fun to all hang out together because we never ALL do at the same time, so that was a really good time. I enjoyed it lol, we got some hot pics, which I will put a few up when I d/l them onto my comp. Anyways, so after this , we all chilled uptown for a bit, then everyone but me and kelsey went to the dance (which I new was gonna be hurtin) me and kels stayed uptown and a bunch of old creepy men were trying to talk to us lol.. so after about 10 minits maby, everyone pealed from the dance (after paying 6$) and we all headed over lower to the bunkers party. There wasn't to many people there when we arrived, but after like 20 mins er show a shit load of people started showing up. I guess it was like the biggest party they'v had down there. (hbd-Brad!) I seen a bunch of people there who I haven't seen in a while, like Steeve! I love Steeve me and him are tight lol. It was fun but I was freezing and all the smoke n shit was gettin to me, so we pealed after a while. It was a fun night over-all though. Better then what I had planed lol.


Tomorrow is Saterday and im so excited! I am soo sleeping in. Then I have KZ tomrrow night which should be interesting. Anyways, im off to bed, night

-alyson.lw

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Hmm..mistakes?

Mistakes can be critical, but sometimes you need to make them to figure out who you really are.
And believe me, i've made plenty..and im just beginning to figure out who I really am.

-alyson.lw

Bouring.

I don't really have anything to say really. Like at all lol. That's why I haven't written anything in my blog since Monday. But I sapose I can talk a little about my day for a second or two. So, today was the commence of CF -aka- Christian Fellowship. It's pretty intence lol. Seems way better then religion, which I took last year. Mrs.Steeves is running it, and shes awesome! Not to mention It's Me and Cailin together and thats always a sweet time lol. We talked in and Mrs.Steeves is like, uhh... YOUR in christian fellowship?!..oh god now im scared. lol It was funnie, I think..or mean? lol im not sure. anywho, so CF was a goodtime. Then for lunch today I went with Karen n Marie-Helene. After lunch I had an insaine Chemistry test! It was rate hard and I didn't get a chance to study due to youth last night. But whatev.

Weekends tomorrow! Loving it. Like 20 of us are going to JJ's fer sup tomorrow so that should be fun! There's a dance also after but im not going. No clue what my plans are for the rest of the night but i'll find something. And Halloween-Town2 is on! Yay, deffinitly tapen that one lol. Then Saterday night im helpin out at Kid-Zone I think. Which will be an expereince, iv never done like, volunteer work of any sort before. So giving up my Saterday night for that may feel good. K well, im out for now.
Sorry this was more then a second or two lol.

-alyson.lw

Monday, October 09, 2006

My life is a complete question mark. "?"

Tonight someone asked me, "Is living for Jesus worth it?.. What makes you hold on?"
Now, the living for Jesus part, yes I do think it's worth it. It was the "what makes you hold on" part that I couldn't answer. I really have no idea what makes me hold on to living for christ. I mean like, I really don't know. I mean like, im happy? Sort of. Most things are good anyways. And I do believe in a heaven and hell. And i'd rather not risk seeing how close to the flames I can get without getting burned. But I really do not know the answer to that question. I feel bad , caz like, shouldn't I know what makes me hold on to what im living for? How does that make sence? I guess aside from missing out on a little fun, im alot happier and actuly have something to live for I guess? Before I wasn't really living for anything, except goodtimes and guys. But I don't know, I think im gonna sleep on this one. And get back to you. It seems lately my whole life is a question mark. Notice how many of these "?" there are through-out this post? Look theres another one. You just can't ecape them it seems. I haven't got my life figured out at all, but maby im not sapose to. It seems everyone else does though, so I dunno. Mabey it's just me, once again.


Well im off to bed, the long thanks-giving weekend is over and it's off to school in the morning. Oh how I hate mornings. And school. Okay night!

-alyson.lw

Stand In The Rain.

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's All crashing down
Stand through the pain, you won't drown
And one day whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And her fears whispering
And shes scared she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything
She's running from
Wants to give up and lie down

-Don't let the brightness of your future, depend on the darkness of your past.

-alyson.lw

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Someone Strange.

Somehow these people never seem to phase me. I can never escape the questions and negativity. No one seems to think I can do this. It's hard enough as it is going at this alone, let alone having descussions of the sort (the usual), (you can't change)..blah blah. Well, ya know what, maby I can't.. but isn't it atleast worth the try? Honestly, what could I possibly have to loose? I handful of "your weird now"'s.."you can't do it"'s.."your a totaly different person". It's conversations like these, that make me second guess what am I trying to prove? But then when im finished feeling sorrie for myself, I realize it's not what im trying to prove, but WHO im trying to prove it to. Anywho, here the conversation im refering to. I just had it with one of my friends, I took the liberty to block out his name and change it to "..." because it's not who's saying it thats important, it's what's being said.


alyson.lw says:
lol im not drinking, ever ..but go I might
... says:
thats weird to think that
alyson.lw says:
how come
... says:
cuz like u use to be the worst
alyson.lw says:
i know eh.. jeeze
...says:
its kinda strange
alyson.lw says:
yeah i no it is, its strange for me too

... says:
like ur not going to drink ever
alyson.lw says:
noppe
...says:
like university and like have sex or anything
alyson.lw says:
nope
... says:
so what do u do at parties
alyson.lw says:
nothing, thats why i dont wanan go
... says:
wow this is the first time i feel weird like i am talking to someone different
alyson.lw says:
what do u mean
... says:
like the girl i use to know and went out with
... says:
i feel like i am talkign to someone totallly different
alyson.lw says:
oh, yeah ..her
alyson.lw says:
well, i guess i am different
...says:
question?
alyson.lw says:
yeah
...says:
do u think people can truely change
alyson.lw says:
i think i have, so yeah, if you really want it, i do believe they can
... says:
i dont
alyson.lw says:
why not
alyson.lw says:
you just said yourself, your talkign to a whole new person
... says:
i donno i think as hard as u try in the end ur the same person u have always been
... says:
thats what it feels like but like i said are u still the same person u have always been
alyson.lw says:
so you think, sooner or later, im gonna be who i was before
... says:
i dont no that
... says:
but i think people are always the same



This is exactly what I mean in my post below about "being a prisoner to my own past". I can't escape it. Even If i can forget it, it's like noone else can. Or noone else wants to. Because of my past im goin to suffer in the present and future, because people think im just a big joke or something trying to persue christ. Well, i've made to many mistakes like this before, putting my faith aside because of what everyone is always telling me to do. I put it off almost 3 years and im not about to do it again. So think what you wish, but I have every intention to make it.

-alyson.lw

1 Samuel 10:6

(1 Samuel 10:6)

- The Spirit of the Lord will come upon you in power...and you will be changed into a different person.

Prisoner of my own past.

Are you still bothered by things that happened awhile ago? Do you still think about things you have done in the last few years, and wonder how you ever became that person. Do you still look back on old times, and think about how much fun you had..even though you know it was wrong? Do you ever wish that sometimes you could just have one more of those "oldtimes", and not let anyone know (including God)?

Well I hate to break it to myself, but I find me thinking this stuff alot lately. Well not like ALOT.. but like, everytime someone brings up a memory of a party er something. Im just like, oh yeah, that was fun. Those were the days when I didn't have to miss out on things, because they went agaisnt everything I was for. Back when I didn't care and didn't so much have many beliefs. I know it sounds horrible, because im sapose to be happy with who I am now. Which I am, infact iv been the happiest these past 5 months then the last 2 years. I just, I don't know, I feel like im not a very good christian because I think these things.

I'v become a prisoner of my own past. It seem's that no matter how hard I try to escape it, I just can't forget everything. I mean, if at the time I thought it was fun and loved every minute of it, why 5 months later would it be any different? At camp my councilers said they don't look back on these times and think "oh they were a good time". But really, if you thought so at the time, why would it change..even if you have?

-alyson.lw

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Hilarious take 2.

Well tonight was Hilarious night take 2. Although it wasn't so hilarious after all because Whelton droped my camera on the road and put a huge dent/hole in it. So that's gonna suck to explain to my mother someday along the road lol. But before that happened, we put Kelsey and Whelton in a composter(not at the same time) and roled them down my front lawn lol. We were heading to Island View school hill, which is huge, but on our way the camera incident happend, and I got pissed so I didn't wanna use it anymore. But this was funny enough because Whelton is just so hilarious lol. I will put the video on as soon as I upload it so you can see for yourself. Ha some Man and woman with their child walked buy us and were like "Isn't there a dance or something you could go to?..It must be cheap night" lol but a dance isn't half as funnie as what we like to do in our spare time. anywho, im off
Happy Thanksgiving Weekend!

-alyson.lw

Friday, October 06, 2006

Hockey Game.





So tonight I went to a Sea Dogs game with Kim and katie and Amanda, and met up with like, Whelton, Burnham, Chelsea and I saw April too. It was a goodtime. Except Sea Dogs lost, but w/e I only saw a couple good fights, I never actuly watched the game.There were lots of hot boys there, and a bunch of soccer teams in track suits and sweaters and it was really getting to me because everywhere I looked there was all these teams and stuff lol. Anyways, heres some pics.
















-alyson.lw

Thursday, October 05, 2006

The machine we call the human body.

Finaly missed my first day of school today. Not for the best reasons though. Last night after youth group to add to the horrible headache I already had, I smashed my head off my freezer door, ow it hurt like hell! Like worst pain of my life. It felt like I got hit by a bus. Now this morning it feels like I split my head open. Not a good feeling.

Anyways, a couple days ago in history I heard my teacher say "The machine we call the human body". Right away I started to right about it and the outcome was this..

Are we all really like machines? Robots even, just with a self-functional brain. If you think about it, we are to some extent controled by someone. As much as people like to think they are controlling there own-self, to some extent your not. Your thoughts and actions are all affected by someone, wether its your parents, friends.. or strangers even? We all have the freedom to think on our own, and make our own decisions, BUT our thoughts are affected by the things other say and do. So although we do have the last say in what we do, it's other who have put the thoughts into our heads leading up to that last thought and action.

Yeah I dunno, this might not appeal to anyone, it's just what happens when I start to think. And this thought, was controlled by the words my history teacher said. Which led to me writing this blog. I had the choice to write about it though, but I never had control over my teacher saying this. Catch my drift? lol anyways, head is killing me to the extreme so im gonna go ice it or something.

-alyson.lw

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

I've decided I want to do my french speech on religion. Something along the lines of, Religion vs. Science, or Creation vs. Evolution. I'v never done a speech on anything that's ever even mattered before, so If I follow through with this topic, it should be a good time. It was the first thing that came to mind because all I seem to think about now is christian stuff. Which is a good thing I believe lol. The only down fall to this speech is it's in french, and not to many people in my french class even understand the language, so they wont get it anyways. It would be an awesome speech in english though, but we don't do english speeches, so that sucks. Well not really cause the last thing I need is 2 speeches to worrie about but you know what I mean.
Anywho, if anyone excells in these topics and would like to help me out, feel free i'd love it.

On a different note, today was a good day. Headaches were minimum and school wasn't to bad. I had a chemistry and history test which I failed to study for, but I think I did good. Hopefuly anyways, and I get my math test back tomaro, which god only knows how I did on that cause I suck in math. Even though on friday when I went in for math help for an hour after school he gave me a test with pretty well the exact same questions on it, but somehow I will fail don't even worrie. Ha , in grade 8..Me and my friend at the time stole a test then went home studied it found all the answers, went to school the next day, I JUST passed, and she failed by one mark. Thats how stupid I am lol. I stole almost every test in grade 8 and still ended up with 4 "D's" and a "C". Goodtimes that was. But yeah, so schools a good time, my lifes a good time, im still debateing wether to risk my head gettin worse n go for basketball or to ruin my life and not try out at all. Jeeze!

*By the way I added those videos to "Saterday Baby" so check them out ha.

-alyson.lw

Monday, October 02, 2006

My Life

Oh how I love my life. Iv been watchin the videos from Saterday night, and there just so funny. I can't even believe how funny all that was! I can't wait till this weekend when we can continue our goodtimes around the west side of saint john when the sun goes down. Love it. If you've neer gotten out to do really stupid things that can get you in the least bit of trouble, you really should get on it lol. You'll have something to laugh about for a while after, well.. if you have it on video atleast lol.

Oh and apparently basketballs a no-go for me this year because I can't get into the nerologist until December and ball tryouts are like next week so there goes my life once again. Damnit!

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Book of Luke.

I was just in the middle of reading some Isaiah, when I decided to stop for a bit and look something up. I had read earlier in a blog the verse Luke 9:24. When i read it I realized I had heard it before and it really stood out to me when I did. I had just forgoten about it because I had read it ealier in the summer. The verse says "Fore whoever wants to save his life will loose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. The next verse following that Luke 9:25 is my favorite. It says " What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet loose or forefit his very self?".. I love that verse so much! I think it has so much meaning. Anyways, so back to the point of this blog.

So after I read these verses, I decided to read the little things I have through out my Bible that talk about what we just read, but put it into "teenager" understanding. I have a teen Bible by the way. So as I began to read through some on the ones in the book of Luke, they really started to answer some recent thoughts and questions I have had lately.

The first one I read said, "Do you ever wonder why everyone doesn't believe in Jesus?"
Down deep people know that if they accept Christ their savior , they no longer belong to themselves. They belong to the lord. And they don't like the thought of not being their own boss. They want control and the final say. But one thing they don't understand: giving control to Jesus frees people to be much more than they could ever be on their own.

The next one says "Don't let anything you own or anything you want become more important to you than pleasing the Lord".

Another says "Does God hear your prayers? How can you know? Even if you get what you asked for, how can you know if it's an answer to prayer or if it would have happened anyway?" This question is something that comes up with myself quite often. When something I pray about, happens.. I wonder if I didn't pray about it, if it would have happened anyways. It's really a hard thing to answer, because we really don't know. You just have to trust in the Lord, and believe in him, believe he does answer your prayers, and even if it would have happened anyways the fact of knowing that "WHAT IF" it wouldn't of happened if you never prayed? I dont know, if anyone has a better answer to this feel free to comment on it. Id love to hear it.

I think im going to start reading these "direct lines" more often. I have never before and didn't realize alot of help and answers can come from them. There pretty cool for anyone who owns a Teen Bible.

-alyson.lw