I am so frustrated!!!

Alright, so i'v just decided that I can hold in this anymore. I AM SO FRUSTRATED!!!!!! Well, that feels nice to get out. Life is so frustrating right now. I don't even know what to do with my life. Like seriously, I don't mean to complain, but this is the only place I can do it, so im gonna lol. Everything is so confusing, and each day I find myself faceing situations that I never would have had to face, or atleast cared to notice I was facing them. Usualy these thing's wouldn't bother me, comments from people, events..because I wouldn't care. Partly because I agreed with the comments, or took part in the events. But this year I have an opinion, alot (and I stress the word "alot" very much) different from everyone else. Like, this is so hard..because im used to keeping my opinion to myself, which I still usualy do, but this time, its really getting to me. I just want to scream sometimes! I feel kinda alone right now. Like, I feel like I don't really have anyone to talk to and it's really hard. And school is to much for my life. I have essay's comeing out of my ass, and midterms next week, and im so stressed out about my life. I can never catch a break these days. AHHHH!!!! Im really going to blow up. And tonight I watched the girls basketball game/try out, and now im right depressed, because I want to play so bad. Ball is like my life, and it's one thing that makes me happy. And now due to my damn head (that wont seem to ever heal!) I can't play. FUUCCK! Theres another to add to my list of life ruining things, my head. Like seriously, does a concussion ever last this long? Caz it's pretty much just as bad as it was 6 months ago, except i'v learnt to deal with it now, and back then, I didn't know what the hell was going on, so I was in and out of the emergency every night. Like, i'v seriously never felt so much pain in my life then when I get these migrains. And im sick and dizzy constantly throughout my day. Ah it sucks! Like, noone even understands how horrible it makes my life. I can't due half the stuff I use to, and worst of all, im going to get fat! because I can't run or exercise er anything! Jeeeze, that would be a even more depressing story lol. But, I go to the nerologist on halloween, so hopefuly he can gimmie so answers, or drugs er something lol.

Anyways yeah, so theres my life right there. On the other hand, I am doing wicked in English, and i'v done all of my homework every night in chemistry since I lost 10% for not doing it. So im trying in school now. On the other hand, I only got like a 78% on my french test I got back today, which sucks but what ev my teach is a bitch anyways and tried to cheat me out of 2% but I caught her! She hates me man, one time she even told me off in grade 9. Oh well, she'll get hers someday. But overall I guess school's good, besides its so hecktic in the next 2 weeks!

Well, on a totaly different topic all together, I read alot of the bible last night. Well not alot, but like, more then I usualy do. I read a bunch of random stuff. Like Zechariah, which is about what is head for the world, the coming of god. And I finished Zephaniah, and read some of revelation, about what heaven is like. So it all kinda tied into like, when god comes to judge the living and the dead, and what to expect during and after. If you don't belive in this, wonderful. Don't read it. Fortunatly I do, so here we go! I believe Jesus is coming back sooner then we all may think. I think most of us think we have our whole lives ahead of us to change who we are, and what we do, and the way we live. Those people who believe theres a god, believe theres a heaven and a hell, believe you have to live without sin (try your best) inorder to please god, but they just think that because they are young, they have all the time in the world. They think that they will just change themselves when they grow up and have children, settle down in life. But ya know what, you may not have that much time! Who says we can't die tomorrow? Who say's god can't come next week? Who says we will have the abilitiy to change when we want to? If you live a certain life style for a long time, you begin to become attatched and comfortable in that life style. You feel safe, like you'v been okay for this long, so why not a little bit longer? Thats the road I was heading down, fortunatly for myself, I got off that road in time. Because I'll tell you right now, I was already starting to become comfortable and safe in that life style. It was what I was use to, and i'll tell you, I don't think it was ever as complicated as it is now. I didn't have a bunch of worries in the world, because I didn't have any beleifs, my attitude was, "what ever, what the hell, why the hell not, fuck it, what can it hurt, what they don't know can't hurt them, as long as we don't get caught...and even if it might be exciting" Like, life gets pretty comfortable when these are your thoughts and reactions to everything going on around you. Really, I mean, why would you want to change? Why would you want to give up a simple life, with about 7 answers to every question in life, and make things more complicated. Why would you want to stress out over things and have to think about everything alot harder, and put alot more time and effort into everything you do. Well, i'll tell you why I wanted to, because jesus never said "fuck it" when they put him on a cross for me. He never said, "what they don't know can't hurt them" or "what ever". He died for me, so that I could have the choice to think what I wanted, and the choice in a heaven or hell. All I have to do, is put a little more effort into it, and trust in him, and realize life isn't just about haveing a good time, and lots of laughs. And one day, I finaly opened my eyes from all the fake happiness, and realized there was alot more to life then what I had goin for me. And yeah, some of this may be causeing all my stress and frustration, but I think it is good. Because god is putting me to the test, can I stand alone for what I believe in? Can I fall astray from the crowd? Can I truly think about everything I do, think and say, before it's done. Even if im left all alone, with noone, noone at all, can I still keep myself together, and not fall apart? Well you know what, right now I feel like im going to fall apart, but I am not going to let this get the best of me. Im alot stronger then I look, so all you people out their who wanna make my life more stressful, bring it the hell on!