Assumptions?

So kids, its been a while since iv wrote a blog that has meaning lol. Just updates on my life and such. The goodtimes that it's been! Except for the drama-dram-dram. That is just too middle schoolish for me. But uh anyways, so with all the shit going on, something good finaly comes of it. And its startin to clear up (between most people anyways).

So the main thing I wanted to focus this blog on is, assumption. Girls tend to do it alot, they hear something, and assume its true. We all do it. It's like girls especaily, want to only hear the negative things, and give no room for the good stuff.

So, are rumors worth ruining friendships over? That seems to be a big issue going around right now. People are hearing something, then turning it into something even bigger, without hearing both sides. Well people there are 2 sides to everything you'll ever look at. Wether its a peice of paper, a person, a rumor, a wall.. anything. I don't know, I just think that like, come'on people, were in high school now. We can figure things out for ourselves, handle things ourselves, and figure out who we like and do not like ourselves. If you didn't have any friends in middle school and you want to try and start stuff now, do me a favor... Don't:) Or go back to middle school where people care about that kind of stuff.

Anyways, thanks (you know who you are) for not letting some lie by clearly someone who has nothing better to do with her time, ruin a friendship.

Life is a good time<3

hmm.. middle school anyone?

Oh life, you never seem to phase me.

Good friggin times.

Kv Boys.

Tonight was the randomest but funnest night ever!

Clarrissa and I hung out with Devin, Brent & Jon. We played pool and went bowling lol (Me and Clarrissa kicked ass in bowling by the way)

Girlie Night!

Hello there. So, as you may be able to tell, I'v gone from writing in this atleast once a day, to about once a week lol. I don't really care to much about it anymore, but tonight is something I will write about!

So anywho, tonight we decided to have a girlie night! We all came to my house and took pictures and ate pizza and watched Accepted. (grade 8 deja'vu) It was really fun! All us 6 girls haven't all hung out together in like, well years lol. Anyways, it was a really good time and im glad we did it!

Pics ft. Milah, Chelsea, Clarrissa, Melissa, Mary & myself.

Oh you know.

Yeah so,

I haven't written anything in a couple of days. And to tell you the truth I don't really have anything to say now ethier. My life isn't too much to write about anymore lol. It's a good time though, im enjoying it.

Life stuff.

hello, to anyone who still reads this. Anyways, life has been pretty good lately! Loving it once again. I feel more back to myself now, which is good. And, i just like to mention how much I love rap! lol, I'v taken a lil time away from listening to alot of it and replaced it with christian stuff, but I decided that I missed rap to much lol. It's just like, wow it makes me feel so pumped up and happy. I love it. Plus I also love the song Kidding Ourselves, by Stabilo. Such a good song. Music is important to me. It's how people express themselves. For me, it's how I escape myself. Loud music is a way for me to just, forget about everything, and just focus on the beat of a song.

So enough about that. Report cards today? Blah, who ever invented those suck lol. Im doin alright, ofcourse to my parents, not good enough. It's funny because now that the marks are in, and my lowest mark is a 76, I really find myself not caring about school once again. Until exams again atleast.

Anyways, so since iv kinda, not givin up, but slacked back on the whole hi-ho christian thing, my heads gotten so bad again. Like, back to the first few months it happened. I thought I was finaly starting to get better, aparently god's a little upset with me. That totaly sucks because I haven't been able to consentrate what so ever in school the past few days, and all I want to do is sleep. I constintly feel like I am getting wacked in the back of the head with a baseball bat. It's a very shitty feeling. But what ever I can't please everybody, so I mines well please myself first. And thats just being me, not changing who I am for god to approve of me. I thought he was sapose to love us for who we are? ...anyways, im watching ER and I don't feel so hot so im out. Peace.

Mhmm..

K so my last post regarding my midterms, I got my final one back today. And yes, you wouldn't believe what I go on it! another 76! That is 4 out of 5 of my midterms I'v gotten 76% on them. How weird is that! Stupid if ya ask me, but what ev I'll take it I guess.

Oh by the way! I almost forgot.. I went guitar shopping last night. Well, scouting I should say, for a guitar I want for christmas. Well, I walked into Music Stop, and fell inlove with the first one I saw!It was a pink acoustic! Oh baby! Pink! Like, did they know I was coming or what! lol Anyways heres a picture, (you have to click on it for some reason to see it)

Anywho, life is grand. No complaints thus far.

Were kidding ourselves; so what do you want from me?

Another long weekend, how I love those. I got to sleep in until 12:30 today! It was awesome, I was so drained from midterms and shit this week, so it felt good to regain myself. Oh speaking of midterms, I got ANOTHER 76%, on my history midterm. So thats 3 76%'s so far out of 4. I still have my english one to get back, if I get a 76 im gonna shit lol. Thats just to werid. Not bad though, best marks i'v ever gotten on exams, I usualy fail atleast one, and get like 60's on the rest lol. Goodtimes school is this year.. well not really I just try a bit harder.

Anyways, so I'v decided I just don't care anymore..like at all. I just, don't. It's not worth it, or anything. My heads starting to get better, and when it finaly is 100% good to go, I can get back to my life again. It's been to damn long I tell ya. I'll get my marks up as much as I can now, before I go back to care-free alyson. How I miss her lol. Luckly next semester is going to be easy so I won't have to try much anyways. Im just tired of people telling me who I should be and what I should do. Im in control of my own life, and it's about time I stop listening to other people, and start living for myself. It's not about making other people happy, it's about making me happy. And clearly, im not that happy. Or I wouldn't be writing this.

-alyson.lw

Are you doin her?

K, so yesterday, a bunch of woman kept coming to the class door for Mr.Sheppard. And jon's like, your tappin that aren't ya mr.shep? lol, So funniest thing happened today in chemistry class! Jon: Oh my old womans here, i'll brb!.. Mr.Shep: ARE YOU DOIN HER?!?! aah oh my god, the whole class started clapping lol. Gotta love cool teachers ha.

So yeah I just thought that was funny, I don't really have anything else to say. My life gets more bouring as the days pass by. I find myself having less and less thoughts, arguments, concerns, and cares. Maby thats a good thing, less concerns means less stress. Which I can totaly use right now. Anyways I have to get back to watching the OC! Loving it.


Update November 13th**

K so on friday , Mr.Shep goes, If your going to a party, Hydrogen is who you want to go with, HE'LL DO ANYTHING!!!

haha oh my, Mr.Shep is hilarious, goodtimes with his sexual jokes ha. Love em.

Midterms, woot!

Oh baby! I got my math midterm mark back today. My goal going into it was a 90, and coming out of it, I actuly got a 90! I am so beyond pumped. Im sorry to be all like, I got a 90! But if you know me at all, you may know that I sucked at math my whole life, and have just recently became good at it!So im just really happy that I actuly have goals in school now, because I never have before, caz I sucked at everything. I also got my Chem midterm mark back today. Oh jayys..lol. Um, im not 100% sure but I think my goal going into it was like, atleast passing, but I would have liked to get an 80? Maby it might have been a 70. Anywho, this wasn't so great lol, I only got a 76% on it. But it's better then a pass, lol by 16%, so i'll take it. And I had my history midterm today, which wasn't as bad as I had planed. Actuly I think it went fairely well. It would be nice to get like an 80 on it, considering I figured I was going to fail it. So I duno.

Anywho, Mom and I are headin out to Pizza Hut for some spaghetti for supper!:) Then im not sure but I may peal to youth group after. Okay, peace out.

Why didn't someone warn me, to save me from myself.

She walked away, couldn't say why she was leaving; she walked away, she left all she has believed in.

Empty reasons for my past, excuses do not hold; why didn't someone warn me, to save me from myself.

Okay, I don't think you can ever escape your past. I've come to that conclusion. For some reason, day after day, all I can think about is thing's of my past. Now, don't get me wrong, I focus and think about my future everyday aswell, but that is normal, you should be thinking about your future when your my age. But your past, now thats not so normal. Like, I know what's done is done, and you can't change things no matter how hard you try. I just wish once I realized that, it wouldn't of ever bothered me again. But unfortunatly it still does. And im not just talking about the whole like, drinking and stuff scene. Thats only a minior part to this, but even exchanged words of the past, faded friendships, past marks in school. You'd be surprized how much of the past I can recover as though it were just last week. Not all of it bad, but not all of it good either.

I just don't know when I will learn to leave all of this behind me. A person once told me, your past is who you are. Who you were is who you become. No matter how old you try and no matter how much you think you'v changed, in the end, deep down, your still the person you always use to be, and someone you will be that person again.

I wonder if thats true.. hmm..we will soon find out, wont we.

School; what a strange thing life is.

My chemistry midterm went better then planed today, but im still not sure of how I did. I would of liked to of gotten a 90 on it but I know that ain't happening. Simply a pass would be nice lol. I get it back tomorrow, along with my Math midterm. The mother of all stressers (math) im excited to get back. If I got a 90 of high 80 on that I will shit. And I have my last and final midterm tomorrow afternoon, Modern History! From what I hear it's brutal, but I just studied for an hour and a half, and Im only taking a break right now I plan on studien some more in a bit.

Oh school, how you spend 13 years of your life (if you don't fail), and then another what? 4-7, maby even more if your planning on being super rich. It's like, you spend the majority of your life that you are young and restless and sapose to be having fun, in school. And then you spend like 30 years working. Then when you finally have some time off and free to do what ever you want, your old and tired so you just spend it all doing nothing exciting. If you think about it, life is pretty shitty. It's a weird thing. Like, we were created to , go to school, work, rest, and die? Strange thing living is. Ofcourse there's some positive aspects to life, such as , family(for the most of us), friends, seeing the miraculous wonder's of the world, all that fun stuff. But it's just strange the reason's for as to why we are here.

Life is changing, people are fadeing.

Well, I don't have a whole lot to say. I had my english midterm today, it was rough and super long. It took me 2 periods and half my lunch hour to finsih it. I think I did well on it, I hope so anyways. I took like an attack in the middle of it because I was so hot and stressed out. But it's all good. Only 2 more left. I got my french midterm back today! aha, 76%...how sinful. But my goal was 70 so I suceeded my expectations lol. For not lookin at a book once I'd say that's pretty good. An 80 would have been nice but whatev it's only french. I have chemistry tomorrow though, blah! That should be fun...lol not. I hope I get an 80 on it though, that would be friggin nice.

Anyways, a bit off topic of school. But today was a strange day. It was like, a huge look back on the past, day. Someone brought up an old friend recently, so on the way to school (my 40 minute bus ride), I couldn't help but think of this person. A very good friend of mine from middle school, who I have barley spoken to or seen in years. I just can't help but think of how young and childish we all use to be, when I remeber the goodtimes we'v had. I remember most of them as if it were yesterday. When we didn't care about our appearance, or actions, and could care less what other people thought. A group of girls that were inseperable, when we called eachothers parents mom & dad, and their house our second home. Now look at us, we all barley even speak.

It's funny how people change like the weather, and fade away like seasons. Growing up you think you have all this time, you think nothing will ever change as long as you get it right the first time. It's as if, as long as everything is perfect now, nothing could tare that down in the future. But what people don't realize, especaily kids, is that.. nothing ever stays the same. Everything that has life will change. Like the color of leaves in autum, to a caterpiller into a butterfly.

But there are always some people that will remain in your life for a long time, you just needed to try a little extra harder with those people. You put more effort into making sure, although things did change, they wont fade. You can't stop change, but you can stop things from fadeing, for a while atleast.

Anyways, im not really sure the point to this, theres never really a point to anything I write. I can't explain half the thoughs and feelings I get. Thats why I write them down. I must try and get some last minute studien in, concidering I have yet to open my book and it's 10:45. (I excell in procrastination).lol if that's a word. Anyways, night.

Footprints in the sand.

I read this last night in the christian book store, more then once, it was like everywhere. I had heard of it before but not since i'v been a real christian so it never really apealled to me. But this time when I read it, I was really touched lol. I thought it was so cute and true. I had forgotten about it until tonight, as I was just sittin in my kitchen listening to the christian radio station, and they mentioned a band that use to be called "2 barefeet" and were named after footprints in the sand. And I was like oh hey that thing I remeber now. So I decided to put it on here, so those of you who have never read it, to do so. It is so true, and should relate to everyone.

God will walk with you hand in hand in your happiest days. But it's in your times of trouble, anguish and sorrow, that he will pick you up and carry you through them. If you trust in him, he will never leave you. Even though it may feel like he's not there, and you are alone, you are never alone.

Too busy to listen.

Well, my math midterm went very well. Im confident I got a good mark. I hope anyways. I have english monday, and I haven't started to study for that. I attempted but like, my ADD kicked in and I got distracted by other things caz I have very little attention spand. Tuesday and Wednesday I have Chemistry and History, so they shall be death also. I just can't wait until they are over, I hate tests caz I can't study,like I don't know how. My idea of studien is staying after school with a teacher and getting "help" in the subject. Like, it's the only way I will actuly do anything is if im being forced to one-on-one and theres no distractions. That's what I did for math, and it seems it has helped. So I plan on doing it for Chemistry and History as well.

Anyways, so I just realized today that I haven't been to youth in about a month. I forgot all about it, thats how busy i'v been. But atleast I go to church now eh? Well, twice anyways lol, but I plan on going tomaro night too. Hopefuly i'll make it out to youth on wednesday if im not to busy and remember lol. I haven't fallen from the whole god scene though, for anyone wondering. I'v just been, busy. Which isn't really a good excuse at all, caz god's never to busy for me, I know, it's just hard being human, you can only focus on so many things at once. God on the other and is intence and can focus on every single aspect to every person's life all at the same time! I dunno how he does it man! I wish I could do that with school, and friends and family, it's so rough. But it's all good.

So lately i'v been feeling kind of, different. I'v been having lot's of questions, with no answers. Question I feel I shouldn't even be asking, or thinking about. Questions that have answers no one will ever truely understand. My mother and I hit up the christian book store tonight, and I was listening to a CD by Krystal Meyers. Her songs are like, written directly to teenager strugeling in the more popular aspects in life.

"Rescue Me"
I'm carrying the weight of the world that sold me out
I'm running with my eyes closed
Hoping you don't see this doubt
I'm lost for wordsI'm at a loss to tell you what I need
I know there's something moreGod, help me to believe
And all this timeI thought the fight
The fight was only mine
I need to let you rescue me

"The Situation"
She’s finding love in the back of a car when is it too late
Have they gone too far
She’s having trouble drawing the line
But she knows she wants to feel beautiful
She struggles finding self-respect
She’ll wake up feeling regret
Her purity's been compromised
But she knows she wants to feel beautiful
He'll trade her heart
For a trophy
Put it on the shelf
So his friends can see
He has what it takes to get what he wants

Theres a bunch more too, just check em out if you want. Man like, I don't know what i'd do without music. I honestly probly get more out of music then talking to anyone. I find music really like the key to mylife. It's what keeps me together. I don't know what I would do without it. And I really liek christian music because instead of people just putting a bunch of words together to make it "sound good", they put a bunch of words together, that leave you thinking, (not about who brought sexy back) but thinking about your life. Christian music sends a positive message to you when you listen to it. I love it.

Now, the most negative thing I find myself strugeling with day after day, after day..is my past. Your past always follows you, they weren't lying when people told you that as a kid. It really doesn't ever leave you alone. Now, until tonight..I always thought of that as a bad thing, a negative aspect on my life. Something that always bothers me and brings me down. I didn't like who I was, and im so happy to of changed..BUT, theres always that link you have to your past that sometimes leaves you thinking, what if I was still that person? Would my life be alot easier then it is right now? Would I have the same grades as I do now? Would I have met some of the people I know now?..The answers to all these questions is probly not. Well, except for a probly on the life being easier then it is now. You know, is probly would be alot easier. It always use to be. But it's people who look for the easy way out of life that end up feeling empyt in the end. Because when everything is over and done with in there life, others are still experienceing more and more things because they have chosen to take the long way through life. Anywho, the point to why I finaly feel that my past isnt a negative aspect to my life, is because I heard this song by Krystal Meyers called "Lovely Traces". It explains how her past was haunting her, and although she wants to she can't forget it. But then she realizes that god even makes her bad choices in life for good reason, because it's what she had to go through to get to him.

"Lovely Traces"
I was consumed
By a life that I made
Destined to crash
Beat up and bruised
By the flashbacks of my own past
I tried to hide away
Till I heard you say
Lovely traces fall behind you
Turn around and you will see
Lovely Traces to remind you
Everything that you've been through
What it took to get you to me
All my mistakes
Regrettable choices I'd like to forget
But somehow you make
All that I wasted useful again
I lost my direction'
Cause I couldn't see
What a beautiful picture
You would complete in me

Midterms.

Bonjour. So this morning I had my first midterm, French. I must say it was kinda hard, but I had a low goal for it, im hopein for a 70 lol. Which fer french is terrible but I figure she'll just give me a bad mark over all anyways like all the other years because she hates me, so why bother? I never studied at all last night for it, so I just wong it. I'v pretty well wong everything my whole life. From sports-to-school. Kelsey tells me I should write a book called "How I wong my way through life, and when I realized it just wasn't gonna cut it anymore". The chapter where I realize it's not gonan cut it, is this year. With the viewing of universities and having to choose one and my career comeing up, and realizing I need like in the 90's admission average, Why settle for 80's when I can get 90's If I try? So starting for my midterm tomaro (math) i'v decided im aiming for a 90 on it. Math right now is my lowest mark and I have an 75 in it, gettin a 90 on my midterm would bring it up to like an 85, because it's worth 30%. I stayed after school for an hour and a half yesterday, and for an hour today, to go over everything. I got a blank copy of every test and quiz i'v done so far this year, and did them all tonight. I know I know more because I was able to do them all in the amount of time it took me to do one the first time, and still get them all right. So hopefuly I get a very good mark because Im not setteling for anything less. Im gonn abe so hard on my self the next year and a half im probly going to hate life, but gettin into a good school will be worth it. Then I will have another 7 years of being hard on myself, then it's all over and done with and I can finaly start my life! Woot, pumped for that one.

Oh and I just figured out today I have a 77% in english, not including my 10% classroom mark(which is like atleast 9/10) and my story analysis tha I actuly did. So hopefuly that will bring er up some! But im happy caz thats the best english mark iv had like, ever. I had a 65 last year, which totaly brought my average down and I only had like a 83 er something. But what ev, im redeeming myself this year lol. Okay well thats an update on some of my mark-age I got goin.

Man, tomorrow's Friday! This week went by super fast. Which you would think it would of been the opposite concidering we had a 4 day weekend last week but aparently not lol. Oh well im not complainning! Although im goin to be spending most of my weekend studien because I have English, Chemistry, and History next week. Jaays.. thats gonna be rough.

Anyways, im doing alright, The stress is off for the math midterm because im confident I know it all, hmm...mabey all i'v needed to do all along is study, and I wouldn't be so stressed out? lol theres an idea. Okay well I got to head out for a shower and more studying so all let you know how the test went later.

My future, im growing up!

Well today all the grade 11's(and 12's) went to the New Brunswicker to a job faire type deal. There was a bunch of universities and colages from like maritimes, ontario,main, and otheres. I myself just went mostly for the universities in the fredericton, nova scotia and new foundland. Im really looking into pyschology and sociology. Perferably Bachelor of Arts in pyschology, it's more one on one with people, Bachelor of science in pyschology is like working in labs studyin animal brains and stuff figuring out how they work. I'd rather work with people caz that intrests me more, a lab would get bouring. My three favorite universities that I came across were STU, Mount Alison, and Memorial. Theres probly otheres out there that are good too, but at the moment, theres are the ones im lookin into. Im so excited! It's like shopping, but for universities!

Oh my future is so exciting!:).. im growing up! It seems like yesterday I was just a little girl going trick-or-treating with my daddy, or off to my first day of school. I even remeber pre-school perfectly. I'v always been a social kid, loved meeting new people, and being on my own. I'v never been one to stay home, I love going out and getting away from the family. Thats why UNBSJ wasn't even an option for me lol. I don't want to stay home, I want to go out and live on my own, fend for myself, make my own rules. I can't believe im looking into universities guys!! I feel so grown up, it's kinda sad actuly, but exciting. I love being a kid though, but growing up will give me lots of new opertunities i'v never had, and mabey someday my own kids:) Aw yay!






Aw heres me and my
mother, my first birthday!













Me enjoying some cake
at my third birthday lol.
Attractive I know?













Well this is me now..
What a transformation!

You grow up so fast,
and you don't begin to
realize how important
each moment you spend
really is, until those moments
surpass you, and your left
with just the pictures and memories.