Blurr of confusion and frustration.

yeah so, I decided not to go to youth group. Iunno, that place just isn't like..me? I dunno, I just don't know about alot of stuff lately.

Iv been questioning alot of things these days. Like, okay.. do you ever have one of those days where you just like, wish you were like superman(or woman), and wish you could just fix everything and everyones problems and create the world as you would like it to be? Alot of times I see people or go through stuff where I just wish I could fix everything to the way i'd like it to be in a perfect world. Well, I realize I can't do that..and no matter how much I hate it, some people will never change, or they did change and that's the problem. I don't have the answers to all the problems in the world, or even my own thoughts. If I did, life would be to easy I sapose.

But I just don't know. Like, everything just seems so complicated lately. It's really hard to go from who I was, to who im trying to be. I don't know if I have enough time and strength for it all. Iv been so tired lately, it feels like the life has been sucked right out of me. School takes up so much time, and then trying to do things like youth group at night n such(trying to become a better person) which im not even sure whats worth anything anymore. Some people just make it seem so easy. They have there whole lives figured out, who there gonna marry, what there gonna do when they grow up, what university and such there going to when school gets out. Like, I dunno how they even have the time of day to think about any of this stuff, I really don't.

This year is such a rush. Theres people that I use to see everyday last year and hang out with and everything, that im lucky if I ever see for more then 2 seconds running through the crowded hallways of stm between periods. And the ones I barley ever seen last year, I have become closer with and see every minute of the day lol. So some good and bad has come out of that I sapose.

But so far these past 3 weeks have just been one big blurr of confusion and frustration. Jeeze boys, I just don't know anymore. I just need some time off life I think.

-alyson.lw