Making everything, from nothing.

Does it make sence, to care about someone so much..that in order to help them and yourself you may need to just let them go. If you think that they would be better off without you, isn't it just better off you say goodbye now while you don't have to , rather then later when you have no choice? Atleast, thats how i see it. I would rather hurt someone on purpose, then hurt someone and not have any choice. I dunno why, thats werid im aware. But i guess I like to be incontrole of my life, i dont like feeling like I don't have a say in things, even if it is hurting someone so much, that it ends up hurting me twice as much to see it happen.

I don't really know what im doing, i don't know how to deal with people who care i guess. Its stupid I know but, I dunno. I guess this summer really changed me. It forced me to grow up, and think outside of the box. It forced me to help other people, instead of getting helped. It opened my eyes to a way and feeling that people have and had towards me, when all i did was ignore them and hurt them even more. It taught me how to care for people, and to realize I could make a difference in other peoples lives. But, thats where I may have gotten a little too much over my head. The part where people look up to me, when theres nothing to look at. The part where people exspect answers, when i don't even know the qestion. The part where people exspect me to show them that I care, when im to afraid to..infear I might hurt them.

By the way, i just watched a movie..that may have been the most meaningful movie iv ever seen. I recomend seeing it at somepoint in your life. Maby when your at that point of giving up, or the point where all you have to look forward to in life is "fun". When your at the point where nothing has true meaning towards you. This movie will teach you that you truely don't have anything, until you have nothing. The movie is called "The Ultimate Gift". Rent it, it's good.