I think you need it; but maby im wrong.

"It's like she's trying to make me feel like right the bad person, and I know im not"

Aparently im not the only one whos used this phrase lately. Aparently im not the only one who thinks this. Aparently were more alike then I thought. I have had one of the most carefree, rushful & hilarious weeks of my life. I forgot what it was like to not care, to not have a worry in the world. The thrill of a risk, the risk of getting introuble, the life im good at. You can't change a person.. you can try, and think that you'v been sucessful, but really within time, you'll realize you failed. Trust me, iv tried.. it just doesn't work out the way you want it to. Anyways, like you once said, "forgive & forget", without the forget. Well, im gonna do better then that, I am going to forgive myself for all the stupid things iv said and done, & forget you ever existed. So feel free to do the same. Im done making your life "miserable" (so you say), im done making you cry. Im not gonna be the one responsible if you fail, or if you do something stupid (and you know exactly what im talking about). So im sorry for all the "misery" iv caused you.

Theres just one thing I don't understand though.
What I don't understand is, if you didn't let it go by now, does that mean you exspect things will somehow and at some point get better? Do you think that this will all dissapear like last time? Because im here to tell you, I honestly dont think, no i honestly know, that there is no possible way for this to get better. It's possible for this to be forgotten about, all you have to do is stop talking about it. Trust me, it does get easier, but not until you stop careing and start letting it go. You claim you let go of things, but really I know you don't. You hold onto them until they make you break. You set yourself up for "misery" and distruction, and then you point your fingers to blame. If only you just realized what I realized and noticed what I noticed then it would be alot eaiser on yourself. Im doing this to you as a favor, because I know you don't have anyone to talk to. I know your bottleing up everything inside of you instead of writing it down. I know your sitting at home, and all you can think about is how much you hate your life, and that your parents are never home and keep naging you about being okay. I know how much you hate that, or atleast claim to hate it. I know the people you gling onto, don't always have time for you, they don't always realize there alot older then you and you just haven't realized it yet. I know they don't mean to hurt you, but they do. So kid, all I have to say is, I hope you've realized by now, you cannot depend on others for your happiness, you cannot depend on others for your sanity, you cannot depend on others not to hurt you, and you cannot depend on others for your survival. But you also cannot blame others for your hurt, for your brokenness, for your unhappiness. Because you are the only one incontrol of your life. Not your best friends who cause you more pain then you can bear, but somehow you still act like you don't care. Not your family who doesn't realize theie never there, when you need them the most. Not the older kids you look up to, when there's really nothing to look at. You are the only one who can make this easier, and make this get better. So this is my last post to you, only because I have a feeling you might need it.

It's not up to me anymore, If you want me in your life, you'll find a way to put me there.