They say that time heals the broken; but these days times not on our side- So be ready to be left behind.

1 Corinthians 10:13 (New International Version)
13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

I have no idea what im doing. I really don't. If 1 corinthians 10:13 is true, then how come I feel as though i cant bear it. Well, once upon a time I did. Because back then it was all i knew. But as the years go by, it all piles up... and that mountain is too high for me to climb, that weight is too heavy for me to carry. And yes, i realize "well let god carry it". but is it really that simple? Asking god to carry it isnt good enough. Iv asked plenty times, but it never truly erases anything. Its always still there, in the back of your mind, like a cloudy sunny sky, waiting to ruin your day. The past creeps up when you least suspect it, when you feel as though things are finally looking up, or when you know you cant bear anymore, there it comes.. to make you fall. I hate falling, I think its my most common direction in life- down. Iv wrote a thousand blogs in the past couples years about your "past" and how it always seems to follow you. I thought i was over it, i really did. I conqured a huge part of my life recently all on my own, but somethings are just too big. How do you erase hurt thats been apart of your life for 18 years. Well, to be fair, lets say 13. How do you erase 13 years of pain anf unjust.

I asked you to pick up the peices of my shattered heart. I did not ask you to put them back together, but to simply pick them up off the ground, so that they may no longer be trampled on. I asked you to hold my heart in your hands, so that i might feel the warmth of your touch on the broken pieces, and have the strength to mend them back together myself. I Waited many years, but instead, you chose to leave them on the ground, and left it up to me to pick them up myself. Unfortunatly for me, the evils in this world around me are much stronger then my own good will, and that evil found those pieces. It found those peices and walked all over them, kicked them around, broken them somemore, and stole some just to make it impossible for my heart to be whole again.

In the first song iv ever written, it says in it "where did you fall down, when you knew you had enough". I think everybody has a breaking point. Everyone has a point where , regardless of what that scripture says, they cant bear it anymore, and they fall. My question is, how long is the wait before were able to get back up?

Another song i wrote, called "she may", is all about a girl, who from on the outside, looks perfectly happy, with a perfect life, but if you look deeper, on the inside, the things the eyes cannot see, but the heart can feel, you would notice that she has a world of pain.

And one of my favorites, is called "unlove you". This song is about all the people in the world who try there hadest to unlove god after they have already experienced his love. Sure it is easy to ignore and block out the things in life you do not know, and never have. But once you've experienced something, once you'v truly come face to face and felt something, its very hard to disregaurd it. But i guess you could say the same goes for hurt. Once you know pain and suffering, and have felt hurt, its very hard to ignore it and pretend it was never there to begin with.

God i wish i had my guitar right now. Music makes everything in my life better. Music is the one thing that can block out all that hurt and pain, maybe not for ever, but for a while. Playing and writing is the best feeling in the world to me. It allows me to escape myown self being, and become anyone i want to be. It allows me to write about everything in the world and make music about it. In a way, its a way for me to turn all of my hurt and pain, into something beautiful. For my ears only ofcourse, but, atleast... down the road, on nights like these, i can listen to it, and remind myself of the day i learnt how to deal with a certain situation through the gifts i was given.