Proverbs 18:13

Proverbs 18:13
"He who answers before listening— that is his folly and his shame."

for the past little while now ive been trying to find that extra push I use to have iv been searching for that lost soul, the lost disire in my eyes that now just stares a hard, cold, dark. Iv been sitting around thinking, wondering where it all went wrong, what ever happened, and how to get it back. Mainly I was trying to fiure out if I truly wanted it back. Truth be tolf im not sure im ready. Getting it back means a happier me, and im not sure im ready to be that happy. Im not sure id know how to deal with it. I know that sounds stupid, but what i have right now is a care free, rush that gives a false sense of happiness. But its easy and fun and I dont have to try very hard. Its the part of me that just comes natural. The other part is the person I wish I could be. The person I should of been before I messed up. Why does it take many years and accomplishments in life to build sucess and happiness but just one mistake to tare it all down? Iv asked myself this question many times.
Anyways, I guess I just don't know. I thought i just needed to open my mouth and someone would be there to listen, but i guess i had more making up to do than i thought. You cant ask for forgivness from someone a million times and expect to get it. Or, maybe you can..and you get it, but than the trust and loyalty is gone, and all the years you spent trying to build it up, dont mean anything anymore.

Truth be told, I have no clue what im doing, or who i am. Im just a kid with way too much to deal with and not enough time to figure it all out. I needed one more chance, I just needed to be listened to one time, and too maybe let me know I wasn't alone, but you know what, im not so sure the worth is in the wait anymore.


Heres a new topic, but. What happens when your selfisness of messed up life is standing in the way of someone you care about to truly be happy for themselves, because they can't imagine being happy when there best friend is miserable. I really need to snap out of it.