The countdown begins; to fade the past, and strengthen the future.

Our mind is the battlefield for sin-

I haven't writtin in this for a while, and im not exactly sure why. Maby it's because I was too busy trying to figure out my life. Maby it's because im too busy with school to find time to write, or even care about what's going on with me these days. Maby it's because I thought I finally had everything figured out, to find.. I was very far from it. Maby it's because I was trying to pretend that everything was fine, and that I was okay.

There are plenty of reasons for my abence in writting, although im not sure if there even reasons anymore.. or just plain old excuses. I seem to be full of those lately, I have an excuse for everything I do, and everytime I screw up. I really dont think they are valid reasons for anything but as long as people keep believing them im gonna keep useing em.

University is finally settled, nursing it is. And closer to home then I had planned too. But not too close, just close enough. Im starting to realize the reality of graduating and leaving. Starting a new life, but trying not to forget the old. Living on my own, trying to survive on everything my parents have tried to teach me over the years, but never knew I was listening. The truth is, im almost always listening, its just a matter of what I decide to do to prove I was listening. I have selective listening I think. I choose what I think is importance to my life, and listen to what is being said. I think about it, I just don't admit its existance and ware abouts in my mind. Anyways, back to graduation. It use to seem so far away, now it is less then 3 months. Where does the time go? Im not sure if im ready to say goodbye yet. I thought I was, but I really don't know if I am. I mean, some of my friends are goin to be at the school next door, and some even at mine, BUT for the ones who aren't, the ones who are staying here, or going even farther away in the opposite direction, people who I have known my entire life and have been best friends with... 5 an a half hours is really far you know. Its not as far as I was planning on going (17hrs), but for my best friend to be 5 and a half hours away from me, really..really sucks. And my family, I know I say I can't wait to get out and leave them, and a little over an hour distance is close enough, but really. How often am I really going to be coming home? My guess is not often, Im paying to stay away so I minse well. And then my plans for travel in my second or third year to study in another country.. well then im really going to be gone. I dunno, I guess it sounded alot easier a while back, when I knew I had lots of time. Now the clock is tickin, and im not so sure its gonna be that easy. I guess I just know how it feels to loose friends to university and loose touch and watch a friendship fade.. and how hard it is and how weird it feels. And these people weren't my best friends, these people weren't the people I tell everything too, these people weren't the people who saw me cry, they weren't the people who made me who I am, and who mean everything to me. Leaving those people is going to be really hard. The hardest thing i'll ever have to do probably.