Saturday, September 05, 2009
Second chances
Its easier to fall inlove the first time, then to pick up the peices, erase the heartache, and try to put it all back together again the second time around. Sometimes people just fall in and out of love, its natures way of saying ; theres more to life, now go out one more time and find it.
Saturday, March 07, 2009
And so the break ends.
I dont have much to say.. I sort of ran out of the writing portion of my brain. I lost my talent for meaningful blogging. I can barley even write a good song these days. Iv just had alot going on I guess. Hopefully it'll either all go away or get better soon i guess. Thats what im hoping for. Iv just been home for the past week and a half and I go back tomorrow. School's done in like, 5 weeks anyways so its not too bad I guess. I got a job at the hospital for the spring & summer starting in may, and Im doing intersession from may-july so its official, no life for me this summer. But whatev, thats growin up I guess. I can not believe my first year of university is almost over... that is scary. That means, I have 3 more years left to be a kid, be in school, then im out on my own with a career then at some point hopefully a family. Wow, I am so way to immature for that shit yet.
Anyways, yeah ... Theres nothing really I have to say. The topic I usually write about isn't really in my thoughts anymore. Ever actually. Not really a huge deal to me anymore. I think I figured out that worrying about it and trying to live like that just took up too much of my thinking time and also put alot of stress on me aswell. Anyways yeah, im done and going to bed.
Anyways, yeah ... Theres nothing really I have to say. The topic I usually write about isn't really in my thoughts anymore. Ever actually. Not really a huge deal to me anymore. I think I figured out that worrying about it and trying to live like that just took up too much of my thinking time and also put alot of stress on me aswell. Anyways yeah, im done and going to bed.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Well hello there,
So! I havent writtin in a little bit, because honestly, i had the worst week of my life last week, and i was avoiding everyone including myself, and this blog. But, fortunately i took a trip home this weekend and got to see all my favorite people and had a fabulous weekend full of laughs and it was so great that it made me forget all about my shitty week. AND i wrote a new song, which i really enjoy. It took me a little while, friday night i couldnt play or write a damn thing, then saterday i just started playing "you found me" by the fray, and shortly following i found a new great song in myself. It felt great to play again. I spent the entire day saterday playing when i should of be studying. So now when i fail my midterms, we know what to blame it on.
Okay so, Yeah honestly i just got in a terrible mood so i dunno what to write anymore. I'll get back to you later.
So! I havent writtin in a little bit, because honestly, i had the worst week of my life last week, and i was avoiding everyone including myself, and this blog. But, fortunately i took a trip home this weekend and got to see all my favorite people and had a fabulous weekend full of laughs and it was so great that it made me forget all about my shitty week. AND i wrote a new song, which i really enjoy. It took me a little while, friday night i couldnt play or write a damn thing, then saterday i just started playing "you found me" by the fray, and shortly following i found a new great song in myself. It felt great to play again. I spent the entire day saterday playing when i should of be studying. So now when i fail my midterms, we know what to blame it on.
Okay so, Yeah honestly i just got in a terrible mood so i dunno what to write anymore. I'll get back to you later.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Lord move, or move me. Take your pick?
I cant find the words to pray,
im a little down today,
can you help me,
can you hold me,
i feel a million miles away,
and i dont know what to say,
can you hear me anyway?
What i need,
is for you to reach out your hand,
you have taught me,
that no matter what youd understand.
Lord move in a way,
that iv never seen before,
caz theres a mountin in the way,
and a lock on the door,
im drifting away,
waves are crashing on the shore,
lord move, or move me.
Well, when i started this blog it wasnt suppose to have anything to do with god. Just how good of a day I had. Well, it started off not so great, and very long and boring, from about 8am-9pm. But since then iv just been in this weird happy mood. I havent felt this happy in so long! I don't know why but it just feels like a great weight has been lifted from school. I have the entire day off tomorrow, were going to look at a house, a huge assignment was just answered completely for us, so now i have more time to study for my three midterms! And my weekly famvio assignments have just been ended because shes just going to double our marks. So that is nice because I was beginning to feel uncomfortable reading about abused children. But anyways so yes i just feel releaved and that hopefully this will allow me to catch up in my schoolwork because iv been falling behind in my marks this semester because we've been so busy.
But yeah, the as for the first thing i wrote up there, I dunno where that came from. I just turned on a song i had never heard before and thats exactly what it said. Which is kind of weird because it talks about a bad day, and i was having a bad day today, and whole thing perfectly describes how iv been feeling the past week especially. But now, i suddenly got into a really good mood. So thats odd, maybe its a good thing. If im not so stressed out about school ill have time for myself and to figure stuff out.
im a little down today,
can you help me,
can you hold me,
i feel a million miles away,
and i dont know what to say,
can you hear me anyway?
What i need,
is for you to reach out your hand,
you have taught me,
that no matter what youd understand.
Lord move in a way,
that iv never seen before,
caz theres a mountin in the way,
and a lock on the door,
im drifting away,
waves are crashing on the shore,
lord move, or move me.
Well, when i started this blog it wasnt suppose to have anything to do with god. Just how good of a day I had. Well, it started off not so great, and very long and boring, from about 8am-9pm. But since then iv just been in this weird happy mood. I havent felt this happy in so long! I don't know why but it just feels like a great weight has been lifted from school. I have the entire day off tomorrow, were going to look at a house, a huge assignment was just answered completely for us, so now i have more time to study for my three midterms! And my weekly famvio assignments have just been ended because shes just going to double our marks. So that is nice because I was beginning to feel uncomfortable reading about abused children. But anyways so yes i just feel releaved and that hopefully this will allow me to catch up in my schoolwork because iv been falling behind in my marks this semester because we've been so busy.
But yeah, the as for the first thing i wrote up there, I dunno where that came from. I just turned on a song i had never heard before and thats exactly what it said. Which is kind of weird because it talks about a bad day, and i was having a bad day today, and whole thing perfectly describes how iv been feeling the past week especially. But now, i suddenly got into a really good mood. So thats odd, maybe its a good thing. If im not so stressed out about school ill have time for myself and to figure stuff out.
Monday, February 16, 2009
They say that time heals the broken; but these days times not on our side- So be ready to be left behind.
1 Corinthians 10:13 (New International Version)
13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
I have no idea what im doing. I really don't. If 1 corinthians 10:13 is true, then how come I feel as though i cant bear it. Well, once upon a time I did. Because back then it was all i knew. But as the years go by, it all piles up... and that mountain is too high for me to climb, that weight is too heavy for me to carry. And yes, i realize "well let god carry it". but is it really that simple? Asking god to carry it isnt good enough. Iv asked plenty times, but it never truly erases anything. Its always still there, in the back of your mind, like a cloudy sunny sky, waiting to ruin your day. The past creeps up when you least suspect it, when you feel as though things are finally looking up, or when you know you cant bear anymore, there it comes.. to make you fall. I hate falling, I think its my most common direction in life- down. Iv wrote a thousand blogs in the past couples years about your "past" and how it always seems to follow you. I thought i was over it, i really did. I conqured a huge part of my life recently all on my own, but somethings are just too big. How do you erase hurt thats been apart of your life for 18 years. Well, to be fair, lets say 13. How do you erase 13 years of pain anf unjust.
I asked you to pick up the peices of my shattered heart. I did not ask you to put them back together, but to simply pick them up off the ground, so that they may no longer be trampled on. I asked you to hold my heart in your hands, so that i might feel the warmth of your touch on the broken pieces, and have the strength to mend them back together myself. I Waited many years, but instead, you chose to leave them on the ground, and left it up to me to pick them up myself. Unfortunatly for me, the evils in this world around me are much stronger then my own good will, and that evil found those pieces. It found those peices and walked all over them, kicked them around, broken them somemore, and stole some just to make it impossible for my heart to be whole again.
In the first song iv ever written, it says in it "where did you fall down, when you knew you had enough". I think everybody has a breaking point. Everyone has a point where , regardless of what that scripture says, they cant bear it anymore, and they fall. My question is, how long is the wait before were able to get back up?
Another song i wrote, called "she may", is all about a girl, who from on the outside, looks perfectly happy, with a perfect life, but if you look deeper, on the inside, the things the eyes cannot see, but the heart can feel, you would notice that she has a world of pain.
And one of my favorites, is called "unlove you". This song is about all the people in the world who try there hadest to unlove god after they have already experienced his love. Sure it is easy to ignore and block out the things in life you do not know, and never have. But once you've experienced something, once you'v truly come face to face and felt something, its very hard to disregaurd it. But i guess you could say the same goes for hurt. Once you know pain and suffering, and have felt hurt, its very hard to ignore it and pretend it was never there to begin with.
God i wish i had my guitar right now. Music makes everything in my life better. Music is the one thing that can block out all that hurt and pain, maybe not for ever, but for a while. Playing and writing is the best feeling in the world to me. It allows me to escape myown self being, and become anyone i want to be. It allows me to write about everything in the world and make music about it. In a way, its a way for me to turn all of my hurt and pain, into something beautiful. For my ears only ofcourse, but, atleast... down the road, on nights like these, i can listen to it, and remind myself of the day i learnt how to deal with a certain situation through the gifts i was given.
13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
I have no idea what im doing. I really don't. If 1 corinthians 10:13 is true, then how come I feel as though i cant bear it. Well, once upon a time I did. Because back then it was all i knew. But as the years go by, it all piles up... and that mountain is too high for me to climb, that weight is too heavy for me to carry. And yes, i realize "well let god carry it". but is it really that simple? Asking god to carry it isnt good enough. Iv asked plenty times, but it never truly erases anything. Its always still there, in the back of your mind, like a cloudy sunny sky, waiting to ruin your day. The past creeps up when you least suspect it, when you feel as though things are finally looking up, or when you know you cant bear anymore, there it comes.. to make you fall. I hate falling, I think its my most common direction in life- down. Iv wrote a thousand blogs in the past couples years about your "past" and how it always seems to follow you. I thought i was over it, i really did. I conqured a huge part of my life recently all on my own, but somethings are just too big. How do you erase hurt thats been apart of your life for 18 years. Well, to be fair, lets say 13. How do you erase 13 years of pain anf unjust.
I asked you to pick up the peices of my shattered heart. I did not ask you to put them back together, but to simply pick them up off the ground, so that they may no longer be trampled on. I asked you to hold my heart in your hands, so that i might feel the warmth of your touch on the broken pieces, and have the strength to mend them back together myself. I Waited many years, but instead, you chose to leave them on the ground, and left it up to me to pick them up myself. Unfortunatly for me, the evils in this world around me are much stronger then my own good will, and that evil found those pieces. It found those peices and walked all over them, kicked them around, broken them somemore, and stole some just to make it impossible for my heart to be whole again.
In the first song iv ever written, it says in it "where did you fall down, when you knew you had enough". I think everybody has a breaking point. Everyone has a point where , regardless of what that scripture says, they cant bear it anymore, and they fall. My question is, how long is the wait before were able to get back up?
Another song i wrote, called "she may", is all about a girl, who from on the outside, looks perfectly happy, with a perfect life, but if you look deeper, on the inside, the things the eyes cannot see, but the heart can feel, you would notice that she has a world of pain.
And one of my favorites, is called "unlove you". This song is about all the people in the world who try there hadest to unlove god after they have already experienced his love. Sure it is easy to ignore and block out the things in life you do not know, and never have. But once you've experienced something, once you'v truly come face to face and felt something, its very hard to disregaurd it. But i guess you could say the same goes for hurt. Once you know pain and suffering, and have felt hurt, its very hard to ignore it and pretend it was never there to begin with.
God i wish i had my guitar right now. Music makes everything in my life better. Music is the one thing that can block out all that hurt and pain, maybe not for ever, but for a while. Playing and writing is the best feeling in the world to me. It allows me to escape myown self being, and become anyone i want to be. It allows me to write about everything in the world and make music about it. In a way, its a way for me to turn all of my hurt and pain, into something beautiful. For my ears only ofcourse, but, atleast... down the road, on nights like these, i can listen to it, and remind myself of the day i learnt how to deal with a certain situation through the gifts i was given.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Proverbs 18:13
Proverbs 18:13
"He who answers before listening— that is his folly and his shame."
for the past little while now ive been trying to find that extra push I use to have iv been searching for that lost soul, the lost disire in my eyes that now just stares a hard, cold, dark. Iv been sitting around thinking, wondering where it all went wrong, what ever happened, and how to get it back. Mainly I was trying to fiure out if I truly wanted it back. Truth be tolf im not sure im ready. Getting it back means a happier me, and im not sure im ready to be that happy. Im not sure id know how to deal with it. I know that sounds stupid, but what i have right now is a care free, rush that gives a false sense of happiness. But its easy and fun and I dont have to try very hard. Its the part of me that just comes natural. The other part is the person I wish I could be. The person I should of been before I messed up. Why does it take many years and accomplishments in life to build sucess and happiness but just one mistake to tare it all down? Iv asked myself this question many times.
Anyways, I guess I just don't know. I thought i just needed to open my mouth and someone would be there to listen, but i guess i had more making up to do than i thought. You cant ask for forgivness from someone a million times and expect to get it. Or, maybe you can..and you get it, but than the trust and loyalty is gone, and all the years you spent trying to build it up, dont mean anything anymore.
Truth be told, I have no clue what im doing, or who i am. Im just a kid with way too much to deal with and not enough time to figure it all out. I needed one more chance, I just needed to be listened to one time, and too maybe let me know I wasn't alone, but you know what, im not so sure the worth is in the wait anymore.
Heres a new topic, but. What happens when your selfisness of messed up life is standing in the way of someone you care about to truly be happy for themselves, because they can't imagine being happy when there best friend is miserable. I really need to snap out of it.
"He who answers before listening— that is his folly and his shame."
for the past little while now ive been trying to find that extra push I use to have iv been searching for that lost soul, the lost disire in my eyes that now just stares a hard, cold, dark. Iv been sitting around thinking, wondering where it all went wrong, what ever happened, and how to get it back. Mainly I was trying to fiure out if I truly wanted it back. Truth be tolf im not sure im ready. Getting it back means a happier me, and im not sure im ready to be that happy. Im not sure id know how to deal with it. I know that sounds stupid, but what i have right now is a care free, rush that gives a false sense of happiness. But its easy and fun and I dont have to try very hard. Its the part of me that just comes natural. The other part is the person I wish I could be. The person I should of been before I messed up. Why does it take many years and accomplishments in life to build sucess and happiness but just one mistake to tare it all down? Iv asked myself this question many times.
Anyways, I guess I just don't know. I thought i just needed to open my mouth and someone would be there to listen, but i guess i had more making up to do than i thought. You cant ask for forgivness from someone a million times and expect to get it. Or, maybe you can..and you get it, but than the trust and loyalty is gone, and all the years you spent trying to build it up, dont mean anything anymore.
Truth be told, I have no clue what im doing, or who i am. Im just a kid with way too much to deal with and not enough time to figure it all out. I needed one more chance, I just needed to be listened to one time, and too maybe let me know I wasn't alone, but you know what, im not so sure the worth is in the wait anymore.
Heres a new topic, but. What happens when your selfisness of messed up life is standing in the way of someone you care about to truly be happy for themselves, because they can't imagine being happy when there best friend is miserable. I really need to snap out of it.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Time
Have you ever noticed that the world revolves around time? A round fixture with 3 hands and some numbers, controls the entire world. Time time time, not enough time. I wonder what the world would be like if there was no set time for anything, and everything was just relaxed and not rushed. You got things done when they were done. Wouldnt this world be nice? Hectic and unorganized maybe, but it sure would benefit me right now.
My life so far this semester is just a blurr. I do not have time for anything. I have classes all day long everyday, that quite frankly when im finished i just want to pass out or watch a movie and relax. But no, afte 8, 9, 12 hours of school a day, i have to sit down and do more work. Work that i dont think if i actually did it properly it would ever get finished. I have to half ass every assignment, test, reading, that i have to do because if i actually took the required amount of time the professors tell you that you have to put into each class everyday to be successful, well i wouldnt sleep. They say fo every hour of class you have it takes 3 hours in studying and homework to succeed. Well, unless im mistaken, 8 x 3 = 24, and 12 x 3 = 36, so where in the hell is there anytime for sleep in these equations? oh my bad, there isnt, i forgot i was imortal and didn't need sleep to live. Since university i have had no time for myself. I started to cut into study and assignment time to make some time for myself and let me tell you, the suffering of my schoolwork shows. I can either make the minimal requirements of school and have a life, or do really well like last semester and go insain. Its a toss up really, but i think i want my sanity.. i just can't let my mother know that.
What would the world be without numbers?
No time, no measurements, no specific age, no set weight... less complex? I think so. People tend to revolve alot of their lives around numbers. Think about it, some people are obsessed with weight. and i mean obsessd. If they go just one number over what they were last week, they'll stick there fingers down there throat until there one number less then they were last week. People get obsessed with there numbers on a scale, peoeple are in competition everyday just for a couple numbers in pounds. Well, what if there wasnt any numbers? Then, clearly you could distinguish between someone weighing very little, to someone of a larger size, but the unobvious wouldn't make the difference of someone hurting their bodies just to equal out. People would be more focused on what they feel is a healthy weight not what society may think.
Anyways, thats just my little rant for the morning. Im not sure if it had much point im just overwhelmed with the lack of time i have in a day compaired to the amount of work I have. Which leaves me no time for myself, or god. The only time I find to talk to god is when i go to bed, i lay there and start to talk and pray with him, and all of a sudden, I fall asleep right in the middle of it. This can't be good, but at the end of the day im just exhausted. My body is weak and i have no energy. I long for the weekends and even then i spend my saterday afternons, and entire sundays doing school work, and should be spending the rest of it as well.
My life so far this semester is just a blurr. I do not have time for anything. I have classes all day long everyday, that quite frankly when im finished i just want to pass out or watch a movie and relax. But no, afte 8, 9, 12 hours of school a day, i have to sit down and do more work. Work that i dont think if i actually did it properly it would ever get finished. I have to half ass every assignment, test, reading, that i have to do because if i actually took the required amount of time the professors tell you that you have to put into each class everyday to be successful, well i wouldnt sleep. They say fo every hour of class you have it takes 3 hours in studying and homework to succeed. Well, unless im mistaken, 8 x 3 = 24, and 12 x 3 = 36, so where in the hell is there anytime for sleep in these equations? oh my bad, there isnt, i forgot i was imortal and didn't need sleep to live. Since university i have had no time for myself. I started to cut into study and assignment time to make some time for myself and let me tell you, the suffering of my schoolwork shows. I can either make the minimal requirements of school and have a life, or do really well like last semester and go insain. Its a toss up really, but i think i want my sanity.. i just can't let my mother know that.
What would the world be without numbers?
No time, no measurements, no specific age, no set weight... less complex? I think so. People tend to revolve alot of their lives around numbers. Think about it, some people are obsessed with weight. and i mean obsessd. If they go just one number over what they were last week, they'll stick there fingers down there throat until there one number less then they were last week. People get obsessed with there numbers on a scale, peoeple are in competition everyday just for a couple numbers in pounds. Well, what if there wasnt any numbers? Then, clearly you could distinguish between someone weighing very little, to someone of a larger size, but the unobvious wouldn't make the difference of someone hurting their bodies just to equal out. People would be more focused on what they feel is a healthy weight not what society may think.
Anyways, thats just my little rant for the morning. Im not sure if it had much point im just overwhelmed with the lack of time i have in a day compaired to the amount of work I have. Which leaves me no time for myself, or god. The only time I find to talk to god is when i go to bed, i lay there and start to talk and pray with him, and all of a sudden, I fall asleep right in the middle of it. This can't be good, but at the end of the day im just exhausted. My body is weak and i have no energy. I long for the weekends and even then i spend my saterday afternons, and entire sundays doing school work, and should be spending the rest of it as well.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Tempting, but no.
I have an issue, i know i know.. when dont i have issues? But this issue is a serious one. My newest issue that I started caring about is sin. Iv always has issues to it but in the last year i havent paid much attention to the fact. However, lately im taking it into consideration.
Have you ever felt like, when you dont pay attention to something and it isnt on your mind, it doesn't seem to come up in your life as often as if you were worried about it? Maybe its just the fact that you dont care and are paying no attention to notice that its there. All i know is that, the past year I havent been faced with such difficult situations as i am faced with everytime i decide to give my life to god, again. Perhaps its the fact that the problems that faced you with sin when you didn't care, are still there when you decide you do. Personally i think its the work of saintan. When he knows your his and you dont care about God then he realizes he doesn't have to try as hard to shove sin in your face because you'll fall for even the littlest temptations. When he notices your trying to find your way back to God he freaks out and tries to throw all your weaknessess at you at once. He'll do anything and everything to rip you away from gods arms. Im currently experiencing it, and i hate everything about it. Im starting to try and be stronger but truth be told; its hard and it sucks.
"And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell"
Matthew 5:30 talks about how, if there is something in your life that is causing you to sin, you need to cut it out of your life right away. Well, sure that sounds like not a big deal and the right thing to do, but how easy is it? How easy is it to just cut people you care about out of your life? Some who have been there longer then you can even remember. I just don't see how that is possible.
Numbers 32:23 "But if you fail to do this, you will be sinning against the LORD; and you may be sure that your sin will find you out"
Have you ever felt like, when you dont pay attention to something and it isnt on your mind, it doesn't seem to come up in your life as often as if you were worried about it? Maybe its just the fact that you dont care and are paying no attention to notice that its there. All i know is that, the past year I havent been faced with such difficult situations as i am faced with everytime i decide to give my life to god, again. Perhaps its the fact that the problems that faced you with sin when you didn't care, are still there when you decide you do. Personally i think its the work of saintan. When he knows your his and you dont care about God then he realizes he doesn't have to try as hard to shove sin in your face because you'll fall for even the littlest temptations. When he notices your trying to find your way back to God he freaks out and tries to throw all your weaknessess at you at once. He'll do anything and everything to rip you away from gods arms. Im currently experiencing it, and i hate everything about it. Im starting to try and be stronger but truth be told; its hard and it sucks.
"And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell"
Matthew 5:30 talks about how, if there is something in your life that is causing you to sin, you need to cut it out of your life right away. Well, sure that sounds like not a big deal and the right thing to do, but how easy is it? How easy is it to just cut people you care about out of your life? Some who have been there longer then you can even remember. I just don't see how that is possible.
Numbers 32:23 "But if you fail to do this, you will be sinning against the LORD; and you may be sure that your sin will find you out"
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Something New
So.. im currently on a 5 and a half hour bus ride going from truro nova scotia to Fredericton new brunswick. Apparently I have quite a bit of time to think back and reflect on my weekend. It went so fast that I haven’t really had a chance to think about everything and let it sink in.
So, what im doing right now is listening to music I have written in the past couple years, and I came across my most recent, which I wrote no more than a month and a half ago called Love Story. This song is about the greatest love story of all time, the story of God’s love for us.
The song goes :
you rise up, you climbed the highest mountains
you speak up, and raise the living dead
you stand up, and the blind they see
you sailed the stormy seas
to get to me
this is the greatest love story,
in history
you rose up, and brought the sun and rain
you spoke up, and made the world in seven days
you stood up, and you put evil in its place
you sailed the stormy seas
to get to me
this is the greatest love story,
in history
I think this is so important, because we don’t realize how special a love like that is. Honestly like come on, how many people can we say raise the dead, make the blind see, brought the sun and the rain, make the world in seven days, conquered evil, and sailed the stormiest of seas JUST to get to YOU. Just to show you his love, just to show you he cares and loves you. He did all of this for YOU, not himself, YOU.
Lately im having a hard time trying to comprehend how something, someone could love me so much, that much, that a love so strong could ever even exsist. Why would anyone do all of that just for me? And your thinking, well he did it for the entire world, but you know what, that’s where your wrong. He would of done all of that even if there was just one of us left here. He does it everyday for each individual when they have struggles and hard times and feel like giving up. I think we all know that, but some of us have a hard time remembering it.
Have you ever screwed up so bad in life that no matter what anyone tells you about how God forgives everyone and everything, you still don’t believe that they could be talking about you? Guilty. I feel this way all the time. So much that I push God and all of these people trying to tell me that he loves me no matter what, away. Because im hard headed, stubborn, and hard hearted. Iv been hurt a lot in my life to know enough not to let people in risking it happening again. People walk in and out of your life everyday that you never could of imagined ever loosing, but I tend to forget it’s the ones that stay that are worth it. I also tend to forget that God isn’t man, he isn’t human and he doesn’t just walk out when things get tough. The problem is I walk out when things get tough. I guess I never thought of this before, but I do to God what I try so hard to avoid because iv had so many people hurt me by doing it. Walking out of your life and leaving when things don’t go as planned. Hmm… never thought of it that way.
Anyways back to this weekend, I could write about it forever because I think it was exactly what I needed. Its funny how things just tend to fall into place when you least expect it. Friday night Krissy and I went to this thing called Rush. Its like an outreach thing in Truro put on for troubled teens and what not. Jokingly before I went I said “oh well then ill fit right in”, little did I know, I really did. Everything that was talked about related to me. And I don’t just mean like, oh everyone goes through it at some point. Im talking hit me DEAD on to what has been going on in my heart and what I have been struggling with, from trusting god, to truly letting the past go and giving it to jesus, to saying your Christian but not living it, to being so hurt by people you can let anyone else in, to thinking there are some things in your life you’ve done that cant be forgiving, and the most important thing, that I hear over and over but sometimes forget it, is that God never left. He has always been here, waiting for me to come back to him. Just like the song “I’ll take you back” by Jeremy camp. It says “Ill take you back always, even when your fight is over now, ill take you back always, even when the pain is coming through, ill take you back”. I think those two lines are so powerful and so meaning full. God knows that we will try to do it on our own, that people will try just about anything to get through something before they will run back to him. But yet he still says, after all of this, when your fight is over and the pain is still there more then ever, as long as you are ready to let him in, he will take you back. There is nothing in this lifetime that God can’t handle. I was told once by a very important inspiring person, that just because I can’t handle something, doesn’t mean God can’t. Truth is I really can’t handle anything that is going on in my life right now, I have never felt so alone, broken, abandoned, stressed and hopeless. BUT that doesn’t mean GOD can’t handle it for me, as long as I give it to him. And I mean truly give it to him. Which is my biggest problem. Im not so sure I know how to do that anymore. Listen to me, I always do this, when I write I become a different person and escape myself and write the things id love to speak, but can’t find the strength to. I say the things I believe in my heart, but my head tries its damnedest to stop me from believing it in my brain. Which causes my second guessings and freaking myself out to run farther away and push god farther and farther away. I need to stop, I know I do, But I don’t know how. I really need a miracle I think, I ask god into my life almost everyday, but do I really mean it? Am I truly giving my life to him or just asking him to fix whats bad so I can walk out of his life again. That’s my problem. Because iv hit rock bottom I feel like this is my last resort and chance but whos to say once iv been lifted up and brought out of the ditch im in, that I wont fall right back into it. Believe me, its happened, over and over again. So in a way I guess I don’t really blame him. He doesn’t know if im 100% serious, and neither do i. I feel it but I don’t always act it. He wants all of me, not half of me. I need to work on that, pray that I find it in me to let go, and grab hold of something new.
So, what im doing right now is listening to music I have written in the past couple years, and I came across my most recent, which I wrote no more than a month and a half ago called Love Story. This song is about the greatest love story of all time, the story of God’s love for us.
The song goes :
you rise up, you climbed the highest mountains
you speak up, and raise the living dead
you stand up, and the blind they see
you sailed the stormy seas
to get to me
this is the greatest love story,
in history
you rose up, and brought the sun and rain
you spoke up, and made the world in seven days
you stood up, and you put evil in its place
you sailed the stormy seas
to get to me
this is the greatest love story,
in history
I think this is so important, because we don’t realize how special a love like that is. Honestly like come on, how many people can we say raise the dead, make the blind see, brought the sun and the rain, make the world in seven days, conquered evil, and sailed the stormiest of seas JUST to get to YOU. Just to show you his love, just to show you he cares and loves you. He did all of this for YOU, not himself, YOU.
Lately im having a hard time trying to comprehend how something, someone could love me so much, that much, that a love so strong could ever even exsist. Why would anyone do all of that just for me? And your thinking, well he did it for the entire world, but you know what, that’s where your wrong. He would of done all of that even if there was just one of us left here. He does it everyday for each individual when they have struggles and hard times and feel like giving up. I think we all know that, but some of us have a hard time remembering it.
Have you ever screwed up so bad in life that no matter what anyone tells you about how God forgives everyone and everything, you still don’t believe that they could be talking about you? Guilty. I feel this way all the time. So much that I push God and all of these people trying to tell me that he loves me no matter what, away. Because im hard headed, stubborn, and hard hearted. Iv been hurt a lot in my life to know enough not to let people in risking it happening again. People walk in and out of your life everyday that you never could of imagined ever loosing, but I tend to forget it’s the ones that stay that are worth it. I also tend to forget that God isn’t man, he isn’t human and he doesn’t just walk out when things get tough. The problem is I walk out when things get tough. I guess I never thought of this before, but I do to God what I try so hard to avoid because iv had so many people hurt me by doing it. Walking out of your life and leaving when things don’t go as planned. Hmm… never thought of it that way.
Anyways back to this weekend, I could write about it forever because I think it was exactly what I needed. Its funny how things just tend to fall into place when you least expect it. Friday night Krissy and I went to this thing called Rush. Its like an outreach thing in Truro put on for troubled teens and what not. Jokingly before I went I said “oh well then ill fit right in”, little did I know, I really did. Everything that was talked about related to me. And I don’t just mean like, oh everyone goes through it at some point. Im talking hit me DEAD on to what has been going on in my heart and what I have been struggling with, from trusting god, to truly letting the past go and giving it to jesus, to saying your Christian but not living it, to being so hurt by people you can let anyone else in, to thinking there are some things in your life you’ve done that cant be forgiving, and the most important thing, that I hear over and over but sometimes forget it, is that God never left. He has always been here, waiting for me to come back to him. Just like the song “I’ll take you back” by Jeremy camp. It says “Ill take you back always, even when your fight is over now, ill take you back always, even when the pain is coming through, ill take you back”. I think those two lines are so powerful and so meaning full. God knows that we will try to do it on our own, that people will try just about anything to get through something before they will run back to him. But yet he still says, after all of this, when your fight is over and the pain is still there more then ever, as long as you are ready to let him in, he will take you back. There is nothing in this lifetime that God can’t handle. I was told once by a very important inspiring person, that just because I can’t handle something, doesn’t mean God can’t. Truth is I really can’t handle anything that is going on in my life right now, I have never felt so alone, broken, abandoned, stressed and hopeless. BUT that doesn’t mean GOD can’t handle it for me, as long as I give it to him. And I mean truly give it to him. Which is my biggest problem. Im not so sure I know how to do that anymore. Listen to me, I always do this, when I write I become a different person and escape myself and write the things id love to speak, but can’t find the strength to. I say the things I believe in my heart, but my head tries its damnedest to stop me from believing it in my brain. Which causes my second guessings and freaking myself out to run farther away and push god farther and farther away. I need to stop, I know I do, But I don’t know how. I really need a miracle I think, I ask god into my life almost everyday, but do I really mean it? Am I truly giving my life to him or just asking him to fix whats bad so I can walk out of his life again. That’s my problem. Because iv hit rock bottom I feel like this is my last resort and chance but whos to say once iv been lifted up and brought out of the ditch im in, that I wont fall right back into it. Believe me, its happened, over and over again. So in a way I guess I don’t really blame him. He doesn’t know if im 100% serious, and neither do i. I feel it but I don’t always act it. He wants all of me, not half of me. I need to work on that, pray that I find it in me to let go, and grab hold of something new.
I want to hold the hand that holds the world.
So, i havent writtin in this in a REALLY long time. To be honest, I havent been myself in a really long time. Right now im in a different city, a different province, trying to figure out who i am and where i went wrong. This weekend I decided to take my second trip to truro in the past couple months, to visit a friend who honestly is someone i believe god put into my life specfically for faith and trust when times got hard. Iv been going through a very hard time lately, struggling with my walk with God. I didn't know what i wanted, who i was, who i wanted to be, or how i was doing to do it. I feel like i have been to the bottom on a dark pit with honestly either nowhere to go but up, or to stay at the bottom for the rest of my life.
I seem to struggle with trust, mostly trust in who god is. I tend to get caught up reality and life and get blind sighted by the things that dont matter, that keep me from the things that do. My whole life iv been known to be a fairly strong person, iv been through alot of crap in my life but somehow i always manage to come out on top of things, because i never gave up. Well within the past year, iv learned what it means to give up, to give up strength, to give up fighting, to give up living for what i strongly believed in my entire life. Just because things got hard. I got consumed with life and over whelmed and felt like I haddnt the time for getting hurt by letting god into my life anymore. I felt i could do it on my own because i was invincible. Well it wasnt until a couple months ago where I started to realise that im really not as invincible as i thought i was. I started to realize that i cant do this on my own. Im so scared of getting hurt that im hurting myself by not doing what in my heart i know and believe is right. All out of fear. Jesus says to fear his name, but i think im taking it to a whole other level. I fear having him love me, and ill come up with every excuse in the book so convince myself that he doesnt love me, he doesnt care, and doesnt want to help me.
Lately I have become aware of this, after almost of year of loosing faith and slowly falling short of christianity, I have lost myself. Someone who i once knew and had figured out, i slowly let slipp between the cracks of temptation and time. I feel as if when i loved god with all my heart, like in these earlier postings, evil could never reach me. My mind was so made up and i was so firm that noone could tare me away from God. I think the devil honestly sits and waits, lerking behind you, waiting for that one second that you fall short, that you mess up, that you have doubts and second thoughts and start to question everything. I think the minute he senses this vulnerability he attacks you and temps you with all your previous weaknesses and then some. I think that this time I had so much going on that I finally just broke and couldnt handle anything anymore. I couldnt even handle myself. I push god so far away from me that I had noone and i was completely alone, lost and broken. Broken... no theres a good word that discribes me. Something that was once so beautiful, shattered as it hit the floor, with the peices skattered everywhere, just waiting to be picked up by something even bigger and be put back together. I am waiting to be put back together, but something more greater then i could ever imagine. Something that use to save me as a child, and even a teenager. Something, or someone, i have pushed so far out of my life that I can not even reach my hand out far enough to grab hold of it.
I was told once that, each time you commit sin and each specific thing you are tempted with creates a barrier between you and god. Each time you mess up, your putting more and more barriers up, which is causes god to be pushed back further and further. God can not be near sin, because he is too holy, but he is willing to break down those barriers if you truely, truely ask him to and let him into your life. I think the problem with me is, i dont know what the word truely means. "do you truely believe in him?" "do you truely want this?" "are you truely trying". the truth is, i dont know. I cant even get my own thoughts about the situation figured out.
I read this blog tonight for the first time in ages, and I could not believe it. I have no idea who this girl even was who wrote all of these posts about bible scriptures and gods love. I have no idea... It can take 17 years to build up the walls of gods trust so strong, and less than 1 year to completely tare them down to nothing. I would love more than anything to be that girl again, to have that fire for gods love that burned in her, that passion. These posts were so meaningful and one day ment the world to me. I truely believed everyword, and it honestly breaks whats left of my heart to be broken, to know that a girl so happy with such a strong heart, could totally be distroyed from evil. I am so lost and have been looking to find my way in the darkness for so long now that I realized theres no such things as a way in darkness. There are no paths in the dark that are found, the paths ment taking and worth searching for and finding are the ones that are lit up so that you may have no trouble finding them, as long as you take the time to open your eyes. I think the worlds problem today is people dont take time to really open there eyes and search for what they truely desire. They want everything to be handed to them when they ask for it and can't seem to understand when that isnt the case. or atleast, thats how i feel lately.
This weekend honestly is probably one of the best descisions iv made in a long time. I do believe and always have believed that God puts certain people in your life for a reason, you may not know it at the time, but 4 or 5 years later when your sitting in their house talking about something that could save your life, and they are trying everything in their soul to pray for you and help you, and will give up a weekend just because they know your really in need of someone to incourage you, but with noother way but through god would you have met this person, its then you really realize how god works and the power he has to change lives and plant seeds and friendships in a persons life who for year may have been there lingering, but it wasnt until when god knew you would need them the most, that he watered that seed and made it grow in the nick of time just when you feel like giving up because you have no hope and noone to help you. Without this person, many times would i not of giving up sin to fight for rightousness. God choses people who he knows will have an impact on you, to speak through them, because he knows that when your fed up of trying to listen to him, he will find people who your not sick of listening to yet, because that is how much he loves you. I am very thankful for this girl and her caring heart. She has no reason to care about what im going through or to want to help, but she is a woman of god and he choses to work through her time after time to get to me. And to be honest, it seems to be working.
I could write forever but i may stop because its 3am and i have to get up in 4 hours to get on a bus to go back to the real world once again. I hate leaving, but i got the encouragement that i needed from the person i needed to hear it from so now its up to me to choose what to do with it. Ill get back soon with hopefuly some other things to say. Right now i just need to think.
I seem to struggle with trust, mostly trust in who god is. I tend to get caught up reality and life and get blind sighted by the things that dont matter, that keep me from the things that do. My whole life iv been known to be a fairly strong person, iv been through alot of crap in my life but somehow i always manage to come out on top of things, because i never gave up. Well within the past year, iv learned what it means to give up, to give up strength, to give up fighting, to give up living for what i strongly believed in my entire life. Just because things got hard. I got consumed with life and over whelmed and felt like I haddnt the time for getting hurt by letting god into my life anymore. I felt i could do it on my own because i was invincible. Well it wasnt until a couple months ago where I started to realise that im really not as invincible as i thought i was. I started to realize that i cant do this on my own. Im so scared of getting hurt that im hurting myself by not doing what in my heart i know and believe is right. All out of fear. Jesus says to fear his name, but i think im taking it to a whole other level. I fear having him love me, and ill come up with every excuse in the book so convince myself that he doesnt love me, he doesnt care, and doesnt want to help me.
Lately I have become aware of this, after almost of year of loosing faith and slowly falling short of christianity, I have lost myself. Someone who i once knew and had figured out, i slowly let slipp between the cracks of temptation and time. I feel as if when i loved god with all my heart, like in these earlier postings, evil could never reach me. My mind was so made up and i was so firm that noone could tare me away from God. I think the devil honestly sits and waits, lerking behind you, waiting for that one second that you fall short, that you mess up, that you have doubts and second thoughts and start to question everything. I think the minute he senses this vulnerability he attacks you and temps you with all your previous weaknesses and then some. I think that this time I had so much going on that I finally just broke and couldnt handle anything anymore. I couldnt even handle myself. I push god so far away from me that I had noone and i was completely alone, lost and broken. Broken... no theres a good word that discribes me. Something that was once so beautiful, shattered as it hit the floor, with the peices skattered everywhere, just waiting to be picked up by something even bigger and be put back together. I am waiting to be put back together, but something more greater then i could ever imagine. Something that use to save me as a child, and even a teenager. Something, or someone, i have pushed so far out of my life that I can not even reach my hand out far enough to grab hold of it.
I was told once that, each time you commit sin and each specific thing you are tempted with creates a barrier between you and god. Each time you mess up, your putting more and more barriers up, which is causes god to be pushed back further and further. God can not be near sin, because he is too holy, but he is willing to break down those barriers if you truely, truely ask him to and let him into your life. I think the problem with me is, i dont know what the word truely means. "do you truely believe in him?" "do you truely want this?" "are you truely trying". the truth is, i dont know. I cant even get my own thoughts about the situation figured out.
I read this blog tonight for the first time in ages, and I could not believe it. I have no idea who this girl even was who wrote all of these posts about bible scriptures and gods love. I have no idea... It can take 17 years to build up the walls of gods trust so strong, and less than 1 year to completely tare them down to nothing. I would love more than anything to be that girl again, to have that fire for gods love that burned in her, that passion. These posts were so meaningful and one day ment the world to me. I truely believed everyword, and it honestly breaks whats left of my heart to be broken, to know that a girl so happy with such a strong heart, could totally be distroyed from evil. I am so lost and have been looking to find my way in the darkness for so long now that I realized theres no such things as a way in darkness. There are no paths in the dark that are found, the paths ment taking and worth searching for and finding are the ones that are lit up so that you may have no trouble finding them, as long as you take the time to open your eyes. I think the worlds problem today is people dont take time to really open there eyes and search for what they truely desire. They want everything to be handed to them when they ask for it and can't seem to understand when that isnt the case. or atleast, thats how i feel lately.
This weekend honestly is probably one of the best descisions iv made in a long time. I do believe and always have believed that God puts certain people in your life for a reason, you may not know it at the time, but 4 or 5 years later when your sitting in their house talking about something that could save your life, and they are trying everything in their soul to pray for you and help you, and will give up a weekend just because they know your really in need of someone to incourage you, but with noother way but through god would you have met this person, its then you really realize how god works and the power he has to change lives and plant seeds and friendships in a persons life who for year may have been there lingering, but it wasnt until when god knew you would need them the most, that he watered that seed and made it grow in the nick of time just when you feel like giving up because you have no hope and noone to help you. Without this person, many times would i not of giving up sin to fight for rightousness. God choses people who he knows will have an impact on you, to speak through them, because he knows that when your fed up of trying to listen to him, he will find people who your not sick of listening to yet, because that is how much he loves you. I am very thankful for this girl and her caring heart. She has no reason to care about what im going through or to want to help, but she is a woman of god and he choses to work through her time after time to get to me. And to be honest, it seems to be working.
I could write forever but i may stop because its 3am and i have to get up in 4 hours to get on a bus to go back to the real world once again. I hate leaving, but i got the encouragement that i needed from the person i needed to hear it from so now its up to me to choose what to do with it. Ill get back soon with hopefuly some other things to say. Right now i just need to think.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Goodbye
Well well well, its been along time. My last post I was worried about graduation being 3 months away, and this one, university is ONE FLIPPIN day away. Yes thats right, I leave for university tomorrow morning. Must be nice? Nah, thats what I thought until I had to say goodbye to everyone and my room was nothing but boxes. and I finally realized Im not gonna survive without my daddy doing everything for me:(. Its a sad hard life sometimes ya know.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Does God Answer All Prayers?
Does God answer prayer? Some, but not all? Sometimes, but not all the time? Or does God always answer prayer and it's just that sometimes God says no. Could prayer be bigger than God listening and answering? Maybe we need a fresh perspective on how we approach the things in life that compel us to pray.
"Do not pray to God to feed the hungry; when you have plenty of food."
This was the strongest quote I have ever heard in my entire life. My christian fellowship class watched a Nooma video this past week that was all about forgiveness, and god answering prayers. At the start of the video you see nurses in a hospital shaking their head at a man who is hooked up to machines who appears to be unconscience. Later on you see this young girl also in the hospital, who i believe had lost someone in a car accident. It shows the accident scene, an the girl getting takin away in a stretcher, watching her loved one die. We then are shown that the man in the hospital at the beginning of the video was the man who caused the accident, who I believe may have been drinking and driving. At the end of the video, the girl struggles to walk into another hospital room, which is the man's, and she goes and sits beside him and holds his hand, so that he is not alone. Although this man killed someone she loved, and had put her in the hospital, she still forgave him, and went so that he would not be alone. This short video was so powerful It almost made me cry. It opened my eyes and really spoke to me. All through out it someone was talking about prayer and forgivness and if God always answers prayers. Another thing he said was that, God always answers us, it just sometimes his answer might be no. And also, sometimes, the answer to your prayers, for other people, may be yourself. Do not ask God for something, or to help someone, if you yourself have the power to help that person, or make a difference in their lives. Sometimes people just think if they ask God then their good people, but it is stupid to pray to God that someone will finally seak and find him, if you have the power to try and bring that person to God. It is stupid to ask god to feed someone hungry, if you have more then enough food.
This video really made me open my eyes to life and realize alot of what I, myself am missing out on. The message I am choosing not to see. The things I pray that God will heal, when I have the abilitiy to take the broken and peice it back together. I challange everyone who reads this blog, to take that extra step after prayer, and try to find it in yourself to be the answer to your own prayer. Many people are waiting to be helped, lifted up, and healed, some just need someone to love and talk to them. Could you be that person?
www.nooma.ca
"Do not pray to God to feed the hungry; when you have plenty of food."
This was the strongest quote I have ever heard in my entire life. My christian fellowship class watched a Nooma video this past week that was all about forgiveness, and god answering prayers. At the start of the video you see nurses in a hospital shaking their head at a man who is hooked up to machines who appears to be unconscience. Later on you see this young girl also in the hospital, who i believe had lost someone in a car accident. It shows the accident scene, an the girl getting takin away in a stretcher, watching her loved one die. We then are shown that the man in the hospital at the beginning of the video was the man who caused the accident, who I believe may have been drinking and driving. At the end of the video, the girl struggles to walk into another hospital room, which is the man's, and she goes and sits beside him and holds his hand, so that he is not alone. Although this man killed someone she loved, and had put her in the hospital, she still forgave him, and went so that he would not be alone. This short video was so powerful It almost made me cry. It opened my eyes and really spoke to me. All through out it someone was talking about prayer and forgivness and if God always answers prayers. Another thing he said was that, God always answers us, it just sometimes his answer might be no. And also, sometimes, the answer to your prayers, for other people, may be yourself. Do not ask God for something, or to help someone, if you yourself have the power to help that person, or make a difference in their lives. Sometimes people just think if they ask God then their good people, but it is stupid to pray to God that someone will finally seak and find him, if you have the power to try and bring that person to God. It is stupid to ask god to feed someone hungry, if you have more then enough food.
This video really made me open my eyes to life and realize alot of what I, myself am missing out on. The message I am choosing not to see. The things I pray that God will heal, when I have the abilitiy to take the broken and peice it back together. I challange everyone who reads this blog, to take that extra step after prayer, and try to find it in yourself to be the answer to your own prayer. Many people are waiting to be helped, lifted up, and healed, some just need someone to love and talk to them. Could you be that person?
www.nooma.ca
Sunday, March 09, 2008
The countdown begins; to fade the past, and strengthen the future.
Our mind is the battlefield for sin-
I haven't writtin in this for a while, and im not exactly sure why. Maby it's because I was too busy trying to figure out my life. Maby it's because im too busy with school to find time to write, or even care about what's going on with me these days. Maby it's because I thought I finally had everything figured out, to find.. I was very far from it. Maby it's because I was trying to pretend that everything was fine, and that I was okay.
There are plenty of reasons for my abence in writting, although im not sure if there even reasons anymore.. or just plain old excuses. I seem to be full of those lately, I have an excuse for everything I do, and everytime I screw up. I really dont think they are valid reasons for anything but as long as people keep believing them im gonna keep useing em.
University is finally settled, nursing it is. And closer to home then I had planned too. But not too close, just close enough. Im starting to realize the reality of graduating and leaving. Starting a new life, but trying not to forget the old. Living on my own, trying to survive on everything my parents have tried to teach me over the years, but never knew I was listening. The truth is, im almost always listening, its just a matter of what I decide to do to prove I was listening. I have selective listening I think. I choose what I think is importance to my life, and listen to what is being said. I think about it, I just don't admit its existance and ware abouts in my mind. Anyways, back to graduation. It use to seem so far away, now it is less then 3 months. Where does the time go? Im not sure if im ready to say goodbye yet. I thought I was, but I really don't know if I am. I mean, some of my friends are goin to be at the school next door, and some even at mine, BUT for the ones who aren't, the ones who are staying here, or going even farther away in the opposite direction, people who I have known my entire life and have been best friends with... 5 an a half hours is really far you know. Its not as far as I was planning on going (17hrs), but for my best friend to be 5 and a half hours away from me, really..really sucks. And my family, I know I say I can't wait to get out and leave them, and a little over an hour distance is close enough, but really. How often am I really going to be coming home? My guess is not often, Im paying to stay away so I minse well. And then my plans for travel in my second or third year to study in another country.. well then im really going to be gone. I dunno, I guess it sounded alot easier a while back, when I knew I had lots of time. Now the clock is tickin, and im not so sure its gonna be that easy. I guess I just know how it feels to loose friends to university and loose touch and watch a friendship fade.. and how hard it is and how weird it feels. And these people weren't my best friends, these people weren't the people I tell everything too, these people weren't the people who saw me cry, they weren't the people who made me who I am, and who mean everything to me. Leaving those people is going to be really hard. The hardest thing i'll ever have to do probably.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
Let Your Mess Become Your Message
I read a book of daily devotions once called "A New Year, A New Me". The following messages I got from that book because I found they really spoke to me towards my life.
"I encourage people to let go of their past, but never to run from it. The only way to gain vistory over the pain of our past is to let God walk us back through that doorway of pain and into victory. No one can achieve victory for us; we have to work out our own salvation. Paul explained this truth in his letter to the Philipian chuch saying : (Philippians 2:12-13)
We have to let God take us through things and let Him work in us so our mess becomes our message. Difficult things that we have endured in our past prepare us for God's blessings in our future."
-Have you ever wondered why you can never seem to let go of your past? Why difficult struggles, or experiences you went through, you can never seem to forget? Have you ever just wanted something to go away so much, and you really convinced yourself that you have forgivin what ever caused you that pain, but it never seems to fade? Somethings in life God wants you to let go of and forget, and He will make those things known to you, and will allow you to let go and forget. But sometimes its the HARDEST moments in your life where you've felt asshamed, failure, defeat.. that you just can't seem to know matter how hard you try- to forget them. Its these things that God wants you to remember because it's in these things that God knows you can use to your advantage. Failure leads to success, and mistakes lead to perfection. God is useing these very hard times to show you something- perhaps to show you "look, you made it through this, you can make it through anything", or maby even to remind you that the knowledge of your mistakes made, could help be known and become awear to certain people around you, so that they too don't make the same mistakes you did. The greatest story of a person is their testimony. It is in that moment that they realize, life was not promised to be easy, fun, or fair. It was not promises to be full of wealth and envy. It was just promised that If you live according to god, to serve him, to minister to others what you know and have experienced- that you would have eternal life.
"I encourage people to let go of their past, but never to run from it. The only way to gain vistory over the pain of our past is to let God walk us back through that doorway of pain and into victory. No one can achieve victory for us; we have to work out our own salvation. Paul explained this truth in his letter to the Philipian chuch saying : (Philippians 2:12-13)
We have to let God take us through things and let Him work in us so our mess becomes our message. Difficult things that we have endured in our past prepare us for God's blessings in our future."
-Have you ever wondered why you can never seem to let go of your past? Why difficult struggles, or experiences you went through, you can never seem to forget? Have you ever just wanted something to go away so much, and you really convinced yourself that you have forgivin what ever caused you that pain, but it never seems to fade? Somethings in life God wants you to let go of and forget, and He will make those things known to you, and will allow you to let go and forget. But sometimes its the HARDEST moments in your life where you've felt asshamed, failure, defeat.. that you just can't seem to know matter how hard you try- to forget them. Its these things that God wants you to remember because it's in these things that God knows you can use to your advantage. Failure leads to success, and mistakes lead to perfection. God is useing these very hard times to show you something- perhaps to show you "look, you made it through this, you can make it through anything", or maby even to remind you that the knowledge of your mistakes made, could help be known and become awear to certain people around you, so that they too don't make the same mistakes you did. The greatest story of a person is their testimony. It is in that moment that they realize, life was not promised to be easy, fun, or fair. It was not promises to be full of wealth and envy. It was just promised that If you live according to god, to serve him, to minister to others what you know and have experienced- that you would have eternal life.
His Glory Is In Our Weakness
1 Corinthians 1:27-29
"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world to despised things- and the things that are not- to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him."
The Bible says that God chooses the weak and foolish people of the world in order to confound the wise. People always think that they are not good enough. They think that in order to survive, and to matter in the world, is to be strong and wise. The strong and wise people are the people who consistently boast in their strength and hide from their weaknesses. But the people who embrace their weakness, are the people God uses.
"But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world to despised things- and the things that are not- to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him."
The Bible says that God chooses the weak and foolish people of the world in order to confound the wise. People always think that they are not good enough. They think that in order to survive, and to matter in the world, is to be strong and wise. The strong and wise people are the people who consistently boast in their strength and hide from their weaknesses. But the people who embrace their weakness, are the people God uses.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Our Hearts Hero.
It’s times like these when I fall so hard
That I wonder now how I ever got this far.
So many failures fill my mind
And then history keeps reminding me
Of these scars.
That I wonder now how I ever got this far.
So many failures fill my mind
And then history keeps reminding me
Of these scars.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
When your scars tell the story of your broken heart.
Well well well, hello self. I haven't comfirmed my hate for life with myself in quite sometime now. So I thought I'd fill you in self.
Exxammmsss... suck. I swear there enough to ruin a persons life sometimes. Especially when, for one exam you don't even have to show up for and you would still get a better mark then half the class. And the other, you can't even pass unless you pull some kind of merical out of your ass and get a 73. AND even worse, there on the same day! jeeze. Oh well, wish me luck caz i'll be needin it.
Anyways, other then that; life is pretty good I sapose. Aside from exams, and university stuff, and the stress that comes with it, life is pretty good. I can't really complain. Today was one of my better days, finally all the waiting for someone to grow a backbone, to stick up for themself, to finally move on and let go, finally that person learnt how it feels to walk away. But not only to walk away, but to keep on walking and not look back, wether or not the person your leaving behind, is drowning in an ocean of tears and can't be helped. Wether or not that person is being slowly washed away by the things she finds strength in. Wether that person's scars start to tell the story of their broken heart and they bleed just to know their alive. It's time you let that person learn on their own, and fend for themselves..even if that person's worst enimie, is exactly who there about to become. It's better this way. After all, you can't always hold on forever. So this is where i'll be okay, when your gone.
Exxammmsss... suck. I swear there enough to ruin a persons life sometimes. Especially when, for one exam you don't even have to show up for and you would still get a better mark then half the class. And the other, you can't even pass unless you pull some kind of merical out of your ass and get a 73. AND even worse, there on the same day! jeeze. Oh well, wish me luck caz i'll be needin it.
Anyways, other then that; life is pretty good I sapose. Aside from exams, and university stuff, and the stress that comes with it, life is pretty good. I can't really complain. Today was one of my better days, finally all the waiting for someone to grow a backbone, to stick up for themself, to finally move on and let go, finally that person learnt how it feels to walk away. But not only to walk away, but to keep on walking and not look back, wether or not the person your leaving behind, is drowning in an ocean of tears and can't be helped. Wether or not that person is being slowly washed away by the things she finds strength in. Wether that person's scars start to tell the story of their broken heart and they bleed just to know their alive. It's time you let that person learn on their own, and fend for themselves..even if that person's worst enimie, is exactly who there about to become. It's better this way. After all, you can't always hold on forever. So this is where i'll be okay, when your gone.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
When the truth comes out; all thats left is the one you never knew.. [me]
In my last post life was a little bit stressful. Okay, life was alot stressful. Infact, it was so stressful I just couldn't take it anymore, to the point where I was literaly going insain. My whole personality changed completly. Since then, things are starting to look up for me once again. I think the root to all of my problems is that I try way to hard sometimes to be someone im not, just to make other people happy. One person inperticular, and im not even sure why. But I lie, and pretend, just to try and hide the true facts of life, just to shut them up, just to make everyone happy. It's really stressful you know, to be me. To be someone who is so afraid of letting people down, of hurting people, of dissapointing people, to be someone who is more afraid of these things, then the results of what will happen when the truth comes out.
I just really don't know what to do anymore, everytime I think I found myself, who I really am.. there I go making myself feel bad again, there I go putting other peoples thoughts ahead of my own, there I go digging myself a little more into the ground eachday, there I go watching my sanity pass me by. People always tell me "if people don't like you for who you really are, then there not worth anything". Well, I hear that, and I want to believe that.. but the person who I am doesn't want to act upon that.
I dunno, grade 12 is stressful, life is stressful, everything is just to stressful.
but im happy; just stressed, but happy.
I just really don't know what to do anymore, everytime I think I found myself, who I really am.. there I go making myself feel bad again, there I go putting other peoples thoughts ahead of my own, there I go digging myself a little more into the ground eachday, there I go watching my sanity pass me by. People always tell me "if people don't like you for who you really are, then there not worth anything". Well, I hear that, and I want to believe that.. but the person who I am doesn't want to act upon that.
I dunno, grade 12 is stressful, life is stressful, everything is just to stressful.
but im happy; just stressed, but happy.
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